hmmmm said 9 months, 2 weeks ago:

Granted. But it is just cheese. On a thin crust. Made by a midget who lisps, and also has a bad habit of scratching his athlete’s foot in between making pizzas, which he only does one day a week, refrigerating them so he can just nuke ‘em for each order over the next 6 days and otherwise laze on his hammock sipping GingerAle and trolling Blahtherapy Listeners…

I wish I had a sailboat big enough for two and provisions for a week at sea.

Natalie said 9 months, 1 week ago:

Granted. But then you’re not the smartest cookie, and you take this sailboat out into the Atlantic, you get lost and starve yourself to death.

I wish I had the perfect pair of jeans.

hmmmm said 9 months, 1 week ago:

Granted. But you eat too much Thai food and your butt becomes imperfect. Uh-oh, there is a crack in the perfection!

I wish my beard was less itchy.

Vena said 3 months, 1 week ago:

Granted! But now your beard is so soft that everyone won’t stop touching your face all the time! Super annoying!

I wish I had $1,000!!!!!

blackdog said 3 months, 1 week ago:

Granted. You blow it on Pez dispensers.

I wish I had a pickup truck.

Marta said 2 weeks, 1 day ago:

Granted! But as soon as you start the engine, a bunch of snakes will come out of it and bite you.

I wish I was the wisest person on earth!