Steve J said 6 years ago:

Granted. But it is just cheese. On a thin crust. Made by a midget who lisps, and also has a bad habit of scratching his athlete’s foot in between making pizzas, which he only does one day a week, refrigerating them so he can just nuke ‘em for each order over the next 6 days and otherwise laze on his hammock sipping GingerAle and trolling Blahtherapy Listeners…

I wish I had a sailboat big enough for two and provisions for a week at sea.

Natalie said 6 years ago:

Granted. But then you’re not the smartest cookie, and you take this sailboat out into the Atlantic, you get lost and starve yourself to death.

I wish I had the perfect pair of jeans.

Steve J said 6 years ago:

Granted. But you eat too much Thai food and your butt becomes imperfect. Uh-oh, there is a crack in the perfection!

I wish my beard was less itchy.

Vena said 5 years, 6 months ago:

Granted! But now your beard is so soft that everyone won’t stop touching your face all the time! Super annoying!

I wish I had $1,000!!!!!

blackdog said 5 years, 6 months ago:

Granted. You blow it on Pez dispensers.

I wish I had a pickup truck.

Marta said 5 years, 3 months ago:

Granted! But as soon as you start the engine, a bunch of snakes will come out of it and bite you.

I wish I was the wisest person on earth!

Vena said 5 years ago:

Granted!! But as soon as word gets out about your intelligence, you are now forced to forever answer everyone’s dumb questions and everyone bothers you with their personal problems.

I wish I could breathe in space!

Steve J said 5 years ago:

Granted, but now unfortunately the earth’s atmosphere is far too dense for you. You have to move to the moon. It is really hot during the day, and really cold at night. And a day on the moon is just under 30 earth days. The first day you get a bad sun burn. I. Mean. Bad. That night you almost freeze to death. 24 times. But, you get used to the routine. Not. Sorry. Life on the moon, so it turns out, is crap.

I wish I could teleport through digital signals, to anyone I was talking to.

SnowyGypsy39 said 4 years ago:

Granted, but you can’t control it and now you’re stranded in Nigeria with a telemarketer/scammer that you answered the phone to.

I wish for a minor super power that won’t attract much attention.

Steve J said 4 years ago:

Granted. You have the ability to trip people with your mind. At first it was amusing, very amusing. But then you lost control, and now everyone you look at trips. Life around you is chaos, and restaurants are definitely a thing of the past.

I wish I could draw/paint, like, for real. Like an artist, not stick figures.

Marta said 1 year, 11 months ago:

Granted. You have the ability to paint the most exquisite masterpieces without almost no effort. Nevertheless, for every piece of art you create, you will smell like rotten garbage for a whole week.

I wish I had a big field to grow plants!

Rain said 1 year, 11 months ago:

Granted. But the land is too rough so nothing ever grows there.

I wish I could go on a road trip.

Marta said 1 year, 11 months ago:

Granted. You go on a trip wherever you want. Unfortunately, you will be followed by a crowd of paparazzis at all times.

I wish to be in a room with kittens and puppies.