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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 week, 1 day ago

    I don’t want to feel sorry for myself anymore. I WILL become skinny, have perfect skin, become great at makeup, eat a healthy diet, become more socially outgoing, pursue my hobbies, get an additional job, get 8+ hours of sleep, and work on dealing with my self-esteem. Maybe then finally I’ll stop being a waste of energy and I’ll finally be…[Read more]

    Mood : Determined
    • You are such a special, incredible and fantastic person who will make all your dreams and goals come true @orderofthehalfblood, stay positive, be kind to yourself because you are beautiful inside and out, focus on making yourself happier and more upbeat, smile and know so much brightness and hope lies ahead for you, everything will be OK, go…[Read more]

    • you are doing your best every moment, you are worthy of love and care. Everything is working out every moment, trust and have faith. Find something to appreciate and be grateful for every day as a way to let yourself know that you’ve been cared for by a higher force that is there watching over you and taking care of your today and tomorrows. All…[Read more]

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    In reply to: OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update Today has been a better day. I worked for a couple hours and I had lunch with my girlfriend. The only thing is I slept pretty poorly last night, and I think because of that I […] View

    Thanks! :)

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    In reply to: Flameaura posted an update Accidentally liked someone’s pic from 2016. View

    I hate when that happens… Especially when it’s someone that you don’t know/don’t like. v.v

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    Today has been a better day. I worked for a couple hours and I had lunch with my girlfriend. The only thing is I slept pretty poorly last night, and I think because of that I feel dizzy and have an upset stomach. I had to cancel my appointment to donate blood because of it, but I’m going next week. I hope I’m not getting a cold!

    Mood : Sick
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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    In reply to: OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update I really wouldn’t mind killing myself right now, but I don’t want to hurt my friends, partner, and family. :/ I already failed at my suicide attempt a few weeks ago because I […] View

    I am already seeking out professional help. And actually, the day after I failed at my attempt I had gone to see my therapist but was too scared to tell her that I tried in fear of the aforementioned mandatory consequences. I just really don’t want to cause any drama, but next time I see my therapist (at the moment I’m not seeing her because…[Read more]

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    In reply to: OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update I really wouldn’t mind killing myself right now, but I don’t want to hurt my friends, partner, and family. :/ I already failed at my suicide attempt a few weeks ago because I […] View

    Thank you @oliver :)

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    In reply to: OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update I really wouldn’t mind killing myself right now, but I don’t want to hurt my friends, partner, and family. :/ I already failed at my suicide attempt a few weeks ago because I […] View

    Thank you for your kind words @yamoros12 …I do trust people, but it’s really a matter of not wanting to burden those that are important with my trivial emotions.

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood changed their profile picture 1 week, 4 days ago

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 week, 4 days ago

    I really wouldn’t mind killing myself right now, but I don’t want to hurt my friends, partner, and family. :/ I already failed at my suicide attempt a few weeks ago because I chickened out at the last second. I just wish there was a way that I could erase my presence so that when I kill myself no one would miss me. I thought that once I had good…[Read more]

    Mood : Indescribable
    • talk about it, you don’t have to take on all the weight alone, trust people and let them help you. you only live once life is worth living you just have to find that reason why. but you don’t chose to live for others, you chose to live for yourself first :)

    • Please don’t harm yourself @orderofthehalfblood, you are such a lovely, amazing and fabulous person who deserves all the joy and happiness in the world, things may seem hard but they will get better, I recently lost a dear friend to suicide and it is heartbreaking, please don’t do anything bad to yourself, try to relax and focus on all the things…[Read more]

    • @orderofthehalfblood I hope you consider seeking professional mental healthcare, in order to deal with these intrusive thoughts, an underlying imbalance doesn’t always follow logic or rationality. If you consider doing it, research a bit about how to talk about suicidal thoughts with professioanls so you don’t have to worry about being subjected…[Read more]

    • Thank you for your kind words @yamoros12 …I do trust people, but it’s really a matter of not wanting to burden those that are important with my trivial emotions.

    • Thank you @oliver :)

    • I am already seeking out professional help. And actually, the day after I failed at my attempt I had gone to see my therapist but was too scared to tell her that I tried in fear of the aforementioned mandatory consequences. I just really don’t want to cause any drama, but next time I see my therapist (at the moment I’m not seeing her because…[Read more]

    • @orderofthehalfblood, don’t be scared to say everything to your therapist, she/he is there right for this, to help you! The worst thing you can do is to be quiet about this. You’re here on this earth for a reason, we all have a reason. We all have something to give to this planet. You make your partner happy, you offer company to your friends.…[Read more]

    • @orderofthehalfblood when you think of suicide, what are the reasons that you think it’ll be a good idea to do it? Could it be your childhood or something that’s hurting you about life? Do you feel you have a healthy self-esteem? Do you have a good relationship with your family? Something tells me there’s something deeper to the way you are…[Read more]

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    It’d be sweet if I didn’t wake up tomorrow. Sadly, I’m going to. I’m going to spend the majority of the day studying for a program that I couldn’t care less about, and there’s no way out of it. Joy.

    Mood : Gloomy
    • Please don’t think like that @orderofthehalfblood, you will do great things, try your best to stay upbeat and keep being the fabulous angel that you are, I’m sure everything will work out for you, believe in yourself and never give up, you can do it, I’m always here if you need to chat or vent :) (hugs)

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    In reply to: OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update Can’t look at myself in the mirror again. Ugh. When I was at my friend’s house, I was so deep in thought and we were watching a youtube video and when the video we were […] View

    Like I remember this one guy said I was so ugly and no one would ever like me and I was in denial at first but yeah bro you right

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    Can’t look at myself in the mirror again. Ugh. When I was at my friend’s house, I was so deep in thought and we were watching a youtube video and when the video we were watching faded to black I saw a reflection and immeditately thought ”Wow. She’s a little harsh on the eyes.” And then immediately remembered it was my reflection. Ugh.

    Mood : Blah
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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    I spent four hours studying, left my room, went to talk to my brother and had my mom ask me why I wasn’t studying even though she knew I was studying before and for that long. I just ignored her. Oh my.

    Mood : Annoyed
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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    In reply to: OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update So, I’m really not enjoying nursing that much and would rather move onto something else, and I dicussed this with my parents and they won’t let me leave nursing since they’re […] View

    They seemed to be pretty supportive at first, but not so much now that I’m in a lot of debt. I can see where they’re coming from, but I also don’t want to partake in a career I have no desire being in.

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    So, I’m really not enjoying nursing that much and would rather move onto something else, and I dicussed this with my parents and they won’t let me leave nursing since they’re paying for my schooling. My father also went as far as to mock me and said I’d end up working at Tim Hortons. Good to know where my parents stand.

    Mood : Angry
    • Your parents really should support you in whatever you want to do @orderofthehalfblood, I would do what you feel benefits you going forward, I’m sure you will make the right choices for your future :) (hugs)

    • They seemed to be pretty supportive at first, but not so much now that I’m in a lot of debt. I can see where they’re coming from, but I also don’t want to partake in a career I have no desire being in.

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    If I could stop feeling so sad that’d be wonderful. I know we as individuals have control over how we feel, but it kinda puts a damper in a gal’s mood when she puts endless hours into something she doesn’t really care about.

    Mood : Sad
    • Do what makes you feel happy and upbeat @orderofthehalfblood, find something that gives you hope, purpose and joy, you are such a wonderful person who doesn’t deserve any sadness, I want to see you on top of the world and being the extraordinary individual that you know you can be, please believe in yourself and don’t give up, you can do it,…[Read more]

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    I decided to go out and visit a friend to practice for one of our physical exams and being around her made me feel a lot better. I still feel sad, but I feel a bit more motivated to work now.

    Mood : Hopeful
    • Glad being with a friend made you feel good @orderofthehalfblood, remember to keep smiling and stay determined, I’m sure things will be OK, you deserve all the best, I’m always here if you need to chat :) (hugs)

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    I ended up staying home, and I’ve tried to take the opportunity to study and I’ve only been able to do an hour and a half today between taking a shower, eating, and staring at my clock. I’m so mentally exhausted. I’m glad I didn’t end up going to clinical, because chances are I would have been spacing out too much and would have made an error…[Read more]

    Mood : Sad
    • Please don’t give up @orderofthehalfblood, you will do amazingly in your studies, I would continue working as hard as you can, you will be OK, remember to hold your head up high and try to remain positive, I’m sure things will go your way and everything will work out, you deserve days that are filled with joy and happiness, believe in yourself…[Read more]

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    I want to have a mental day tomorrow because I don’t feel mentatly stable right now to be at clinical. I’d feel guilty, though, for staying home. I just want to stare at my ceiling all day. How am I supposed to care for patients when I’m like this?

    Mood : Gloomy
    • Do look after yourself and focus on getting yourself happier and upbeat @orderofthehalfblood, I want to see you feeling awesome, keep fighting and don’t give up, you are a survivor who will make it, remember to keep being the fabulous person that you know you can be, believe in yourself and keep going, you can do it, I’m always here if you need…[Read more]

    • We’re all only human. If you need a day off, take it! You deserve it. There’s no shame in it.

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    OrderoftheHalfBlood posted an update 1 year, 7 months ago

    Happy I went out with my friends last night, but boy am I tired! I plan to take a nap later, but feel kind of guilty… should have gone to bed earlier haha.

    Mood : Tired
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