Rain said 9 years, 1 month ago:
So many times people say “relapses happen, it is okay, I’m still proud of you, you can try again”. Words like that, you get the idea. When I heard it for the first time, the dark part of me was pleased to hear that. I saw it as a loophole. My dark part was like “relapses are normal, so hey let’s relapse, everyone relapses anyway.” Relapses are normal, just like tripping up is normal. However, you don’t trip on purpose, just like people shouldn’t relapse on purpose. The thing is, I always tend to seek a loophole. So when people told me that it’s okay and that relapses happen, I saw a loophole. I saw an excuse to cut myself. I know people who struggle with what to say, because they don’t want to tell me how bad is cutting is and make me feel bad, but at the same time they don’t want to encourage too much that it would be okay.
I’m just thinking that if I see “relapses happen” as a loophole, an excuse, then I surely can’t be the only one? I know that people mean that recovery takes time and sometimes along the way you might slip up, but still, the dark part of me saw it as an excuse. At the same time, a lot of times I felt like nearly nobody was trying to help me to stop cutting, because “relapses are okay”. So it also felt like “yeah whatever, do what you want, it happens, but we’ll still be proud”. Interesting to cut if people would still be proud right? Does anyone else feel similar about this? What’s your experience? I’m just sharing mine to give a piece of the truth here, because my dark side turns those words into “cutting is okay” and I know that’s not the message of “relapses happen” but I’m just saying what my mind makes out of it. Personally I’m trying to stop cutting, but the message about “relapses happen” doesn’t work for me. On the contrary, it’s fuel for the negative thoughts.
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