mullofkintyre said 7 years, 1 month ago:

It’s been a long time since i’ve posted on blahtherapy, but I had to vent out some things that i’ve been feeling with my relationship recently.

I’ve been with somebody for over a year now and there have been a lot of bumps along the way. One of the bumps is that we haven’t had sex yet because of my attempts at trying some birth control but having side effects, plus having a hard to reach doctor. He’s very persistent about getting on birth control but im just skiddish. Another bump is me not having a drivers license and while it was fine in the beginning it’s becoming a strain. The last bump is me finally getting a job which is great, but I go to school and then work until 9pm for 5 days a week which has really had an effect on my energy, my mood, and some other things. I talked to him about maybe doing 3 days of work instead of 5 and he didn’t like that.

The thing about him that has been constant in this relationship is that he was always trying to push me to do things. He says he wants to be with someone who works hard and can deal with things. There have been some white lies on my part which i hate to do but no mater what I say to him it will usually come back to be an issue until I tell him things he wants to hear. Like that i’ve been doing some driving which I was but that stopped, and me calling my OBGYN which I haven’t. I get stressed and anxious easily so I take things at my own pace.

There are faults on both of our parts for sure but i’m starting to run on empty at this point. Things have been coming together with getting a job and finally starting to save money but it’s been hard.

There have been some fleeting thoughts about going back on dating sites again and thinking maybe this is the right person but it’s the wrong time. I don’t know what to do or say at this point. Every day he asks me what my plans are and he likes me to be productive. He says he pushes me because he was like me at my age of 22 (he’s 24) and said he needed the push to be successful and that I can’t be scared all the time. I feel like when we do talk about things we take a step forward but it soon turns into taking 5 steps back.

rinseandrep said 7 years, 1 month ago:

@mullofkintyre Regarding the money/work thing, what’s your situation with him? Living together, sharing bills, etc.? I feel that would give more context on talking about his expectations regarding your job hours.
What’s his schedule like? Does he also work/study? How old is he? (edit: oh you said that, nevermind)

One thing you can do, is to address his pushy attitude, and maybe figure out, before talking about it, what do you want to ask him about that, with practical guide lines for him to try to follow (e.g. “plan talk” only once a week/month/trimester, where you sit and have a relationship-meeting about it). He wants you to act, this can give him what he wants, and we can see if he can respect it or the issue is not you being “enough proactive” for his standards. And then it’s up to you to follow through on these plans which are indeed good for your ability to self care (mostly the driving and being able to check up on your health in general, less the being able to have PIV sex).

Dating sites should probably wait until (if) you take a pause,