Faith Jacobs said 10 years ago:

Hi my names faith. I joined this community and everbody seems so amazing, so i figured they can help me. I’ve self harmed for three years. Im homeschooled (blah)and my parents are nice people but hardly let me go anywhere. I’m not allowed soical media and they don’t even know about this. Oh, and my mom is home all day with me and my two sisters. And I’m adopted. Now, because I live in a 950 sq foot house with 5 close family members piled in, it’s hard to hide something like self harm scars when you share a room with your sisters and two walk-in closets for the whole family. Because of this, I’ve had to cut in less noticable places or just enough to leave scars. Anyways, I am also suicidal, I’ve tried to kill myself by oversoseing on prescription meds, suffication,and almost sliced my neck intill my mom came into the house ( she didn’t see me though), none of which my family knows about. Anyways, so I went on a suicide help line, not knowing that two police men would come to my door and ask my family if they knew a person who was going through what I am. It resulted in me getting sent to the hospital to talk to a theropist and check me for scars (which they didn’t look for). I went home a couple hours later and we all talked a little as a family. Then it was basicly ignored for two weeks until I went to see a theripist, who I did NOT want to see. Then another two weeks pased until we went again. I hated her. Me and my mother, who I don’t like, went once more. I don’t feel comfortable with the shrink and told my mom but she didnt care. Now, here I am. I still self harm. Also, my mother, last summer i told her i hated her im a teenager we all feel that way, after which I apologized for. She never just told me she loved me when she kissed me goodnight or when leaving, only when we had arguments and she screams” I’m doing this cause I love you!!” That kinda thing. Then like 5 months ago when this happened before I got into the police car she told me and I said it back. Now, though, she only says it when mad like, “I love you and I want to help you, but you don’t even like me so..” I’ve told her I don’t want to got to thereipe,, but have said I would try other things think group consiling or something like that. In fact, at this point I wouldn’t mind going to a mental hospital, in fact I want to. I think I just need to be soical. I have friends but i just need best friends and to have a normal life. I just sit at homeall bay and homeschool on the computer. Anyways I know its stupid and there are so may people who need help more then me. Im just deppressed with bipolor and cut myself. I’m still suicidal, too. I just need help.

firebird said 10 years ago:

Faith, it sounds like you’re under a huge amount of stress and pressure. Homeschool can be really difficult, despite its advantages, because sometimes it results in some social isolation. It also sounds like you have some thoughts about the fact that you’re adopted and what that might mean to you, and your family.

Therapy is great but there are always therapists with whom one doesn’t click, and I’m sorry that you don’t feel comfortable with this one. In the meantime, I hope you can start to get some of your feelings out here.

It seems to me like you’re pretty perceptive because you’ve articulated your feelings very well and have clearly spent a lot of time thinking about this.

When would you say these sorts of feelings started in you? Can you remember any events in particular which are significant to you in terms of how you feel about yourself and your family or parents?

It sounds like you don’t feel loved by your mother, and I’m so sorry for that. Whether or not it’s true, it’s a horrible feeling to have. You need to feel loved and you deserve to feel loved.

I hope you feel comfortable opening up here, or in any of the chat rooms. Hang in there if you can.