 Passing Stranger
667 QA Reputation320 | Jenny said 10 years, 5 months ago: My sister was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She is not medicated and she is not seeking counseling either. She is approaching 24 years of age and she lives in my parent’s home. I know her behavior is not entirely her fault, but it’s becoming so difficult to live with her. She lies all of the time, she treats me terribly, she is constantly trying to make herself the center of attention, and I think she’s also a hypochondriac but she has not be diagnosed as such (but never been tested for it either.) for example she claims to have fibromyalgia but it only acts up when she doesn’t want to do something (I have done extensive research on this medical condition too).She also claims to have OCD, she has claimed this for the past three years now. She used to do ridiculous routines to get ready, but she could magically skip them if we were in a hurry. She also has recently stopped closing doors when she is using the bathroom (for wash or waste disposal), to further disturb you she leaves used women’s specific items on the floor of the bathroom. I’m sorry but I really can’t believe that she’s really OCD with her unclean habits. I don’t know how to deal with her anymore. I know that sounds terrible, but I have literally no positive emotional connection to her. Blood or not, I don’t love her. I know that sounds cruel but it’s true.I am made to feel like a bad person for this when she treats people horribly. She makes up stories, ridiculous ones at that for attention. She thinks she’s smarter than everyone but I know she’s burning bridges left and right. My father has told me that I need to lower my expectations for her and that really saddens me. I just don’t know how to react to her anymore. If she makes up a story and I tell her she’s wrong then I’m a (insert foul language). If I don’t say anything at all I’m still a (insert foul language). Can someone give me some advice on how to successfully live with a borderline? | |
 Common Friend
12671 QA Reputation16417 | Humanist Hope said 10 years, 5 months ago: Hello, Jenny. That certainly sounds like a stressful environment to call home. Many people would congratulate you for making it this far without having strangled your sister. Your parents do not sound like they are doing very much to curb your sister’s behavior. Their negligence to get her diagnosed and get her some help while she was their charge is extremely unfortunate; for her, for them and for you. There isn’t some kind of walkthrough for living with an unmedicated BPD patient. BPD also tends to run in the same pack with sociopathy, so her attention-seeking behavior and volatile moods might be accounted for there if she were to see a doctor. The reality is that your sister NEEDS help, for her sake, and for the sake of everyone in your home. (and for the sake of the sanity of everyone therein) The only thing you can do is sit down with your family and have a calm discussion about getting help for your sister. If you all come to an agreement, then you can all sit your sister down and between the lot of you, you may be able to talk her into going into counseling and finding out how to help herself. Keep your chin up. All is not lost, there is just never an easy answer to anything. All true change takes time; for good or for bad. | |
Passing Stranger
667 QA Reputation320 | Jenny said 10 years, 4 months ago: Thank you for your help Jonathon. I appreciate the advise and the support. I just feel like sitting down and talk about getting her treatment wouldn’t do much. She’s almost 24 years old so she should be growing independent and making her own decisions. | |
 Passing Stranger
170 QA Reputation30 | CaringHeart said 10 years, 4 months ago: Hi Jenny,
“Should” being the operative word…
If she has BPD and she’s not getting treatment, it doesn’t matter how old she is, your parents have power to get her treatment if they believe she is at risk of harming herself or someone else. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to see results. | |
Passing Stranger
667 QA Reputation320 | Jenny said 10 years, 4 months ago: Thank you CaringHeart, I will keep it in mind. | |
 Familiar Face
2247 QA Reputation103 | HelpingPerson said 10 years, 4 months ago: Dear Jenny,
I know how you feel. Because I have a sister much like your own. But she doesn’t have BPD, she is bipolar. But anyway, I know how stressed you feel, because the insults, and disgusting habits, the lies, all of it, can sometimes ware away at someone’s sanity. But seeing as that your sister is a legal adult, I don’t know how to help you much with -stopping her-. But I know that to cope with situations like this, you just have to keep your calm and ty not to blow your stack. It is completely normal to feel “no love or connection” with her. That’s your mind’s way of coping. Because if you believe her lies, or trust her wit her word, all it will do is cause you heartache when she contradicts her word. So you have built up a wall that keeps her out so that you can live a normal life. But here is the thing: you have to every so often poke your head out from the wall. She calls for attention because she thinks people ignore her. The best way to get her to stop or at least slow down, is to -not- ignore her. This is just advise, and you may or may not follow it. But just know that you are thought aboutt and I empathise with you. Stay strong. | |
Passing Stranger
667 QA Reputation320 | Jenny said 10 years, 4 months ago: Thank you HelpingPerson, I really appreciate that my feelings aren’t necessarily wrong. Thank you for your advice. It really does help! | |
Topic tags: borderline, borderline personality disorder, HELP, I don't know how to live with her anymore
