Steve J said 3 years ago:

I always struggle on a site like this with my words, because of fences. There are two kinds of fences around us – fences we put up (most often to keep others or things out), and fences others put up (to keep us in). Sometimes it is hard to tell which is which. Sometimes these fences feel like prisons, sometimes they are more about safety. The problem is I don’t know your stories, and which fences you have around you, and often we don’t even know which is which ourselves. The guy in prison for murder whispers through the fence “I am innocent. You have to break me out…” and he seems so sincere, so truthful. The person in the psych ward says the same thing “They are so mean to me here, I hate this place”. The first prison was to keep us safe on the outside, the second was to keep the individual safe on the inside.

So, I am sorry if I seem to be labeling your fences as one kind or the other and you think I am way off base. I don’t mean to judge, I mean to help. Some fences need to come down, some need to stay up, some need to stay for now for a future coming without them.

I suppose the biggest thing is to find your rock, that thing you can stand on firmly. Don’t build on sand, it always shifts. From a firm foundation you can deal with fences.

What is your rock? What is a solid in your life that you can focus on?

Natalie said 3 years ago:

The only rock you can rely on is yourself. Rest everything dissolves in time.

Steve J said 3 years ago:

Relying on yourself is a valid answer. Sometimes we blow it and let ourselves down. In fact, we disolve in time – we get old. I have met some people who saved up for retirement, only to get dementia. Their biggest regret is invariably not living life to the fullest when they had the opportunity.

At some point most people want to fall in love. Love demands that we trust, rely on the Other. Blessed are those who choose wisely and find a partner who has their back, their past, present, and their future. And while our partners make mistakes, we don’t throw in the towel right away – we work through the issues so we both are stronger as we come out the ordeal. Yes, it is risky. but I think I would rather love today and bear tomorrow’s hurt, than to never love at all.