How can we define an ideal relationship? Well one way to begin is to look at where relationships fail on this planet and from there attempt to glean a vision of what might be considered ideal.
In a recent article entitled “Relationships: Why Most Relationships Fail” I make the point that most individuals form relationships based on meeting their own respective needs through the other.
In other words the relationship “becomes” about having the other say and do things that will make you feel whole, complete, validated, worthy and good about yourself. It’s no wonder that when these expectations are not regularly met that one can feel saddened, disappointed, frustrated, annoyed, betrayed, untrusting, avoidant, angry and perhaps even enraged.
So you see relationships based on such a foundation are essentially bound to fail.
Would it not be beneficial for individuals to dispense with such expectations i.e. that of getting their needs met by the other before contemplating entering into a relationship?
Well that might lead some to wonder what a relationship is supposed to consist of then.
If it’s not about getting needs met then what is one supposed to do in a relationship?
If one can get passed this conundrum the next question becomes: “Is it even possible to address all of my own personal needs before meeting someone else?”
To address the first point I will suggest that you reflect on what your heart’s desire for you is in such a situation.
If you ponder that you will likely find some of the following:
1. Desire for a loving and lovable companion.
2. Desire for a relationship that allows one to be one’s true and genuine self.
3. Desire for a deep emotional and spiritual connection.
4. Desire for an opportunity to experience one’s own personal growth.
5. Desire for an intimate connection that enables one’s personal creativity and the creative potential of the couple.
6. Desire to come together and make a real contribution to the planet and the lives of others in a meaningful and loving way.
On the second point I would say that one must become honest with one’s self about one’s true nature and abilities.
Whether you choose to accept this or not I will say it bluntly:
“You are responsible for creating everything you are currently experiencing in your life!”
Now that may be difficult for some of you to accept and you will perhaps attempt to justify what you perceive as a helpless situation as being out of your control.
Well if that is where you choose to stay then that is where you will continue to be.
It has been my experience that at some point an individual will refuse to continue tolerating the pain of their “designed” experience and will search for answers as to how to change it. As they do they will eventually recognize the fact that they are creating everything in their life.
Along the way they may however initially refuse to see this and frequent individuals who will collude with them into the believing that they are victims of their circumstances.
This will supposedly feel comforting to them for a while until they recognize that such a stance does nothing to make the pain of their lives really go away. Rather it only leaves them more ensconced in it.
Eventually, and I don’t know how or when this happens for a given individual, they will “wake up” to the truth that I outlined above and this will lead them to a new way of being.
It is only when this happens that they will find new ways to address their so called “needs” themselves. By doing so they will be preparing themselves for the kind of relationship I outlined above.
Until then they’ll only go on fumbling in their current dilemma which not only feels unsatisfying it also drains one’s vital life energy.