BlahTherapy said 11 years, 1 month ago:

Is it being in a relationship with someone you trust totally? Someone you can be completely comfortable with, someone who you never fight with, or perhaps someone who you never see yourself becoming bored with?

Is there such a thing as an ideal relationship or does it all depend on the person you meet? Does ones flaws make you run, or does loving and accepting them for what they lack truly a sign of your attachment with them?

What are your thoughts on the concept or idea of an “ideal relationship”. Is this something you think can be defined, or something you just happen to find yourself in when you find “the one”.

Ruhoodenough said 11 years, 1 month ago:

Ideal Relationship? The one with myself. The one where i can accept myself. Just love me. Where i can feel comfortable in my own skin.
Then maybe i can accept and love others. If i find beauty in myself, i will always be able to find it in others.

Nox said 11 years, 1 month ago:

Well, first of all, I consider that is very hard to trust someone on its fullest, but something i’ve found to be a great start is really being honest with each other, and directly saying that you’ll be as honest as possible and maybe even more than before. This doesn’t mean that you’ll always say, for example, something you don’t like from the other person, but learning ways to say it softly, and mixing it with other good stuff about him/her.

Fights will always be there, no matter what, and as @swifting said (darn, I keep quoting you hahah, i guess we have some ways of thinking in common), the important thing is to find a solution that’s good for both and overcome it.

Having things in common (familiarity) is great, and I’m not really too much of a believer of the “opposite people attract each other” saying. Maybe you’ll attract at first, but you’ll get more fights than usual. Still though, I like people that even though have things in common, have always good new things to learn about. Boredom is something that really affects relationships; you always have to find new things to do with your couple so it lasts longer.

I’ve been on relationships that by more than half a year, good things keep the same and bad things too, and it becomes really frustrating doing the same things over and over, like for example one time I wanted to start jogging or doing exercise with my couple, and she was always deflecting the subject and only wanting to watch movies and having sexual intercourse. Even being a man I was tired of always doing the same, and really trying to do diferent things but he didn’t want it. That, and combined with other things, made me end the relationship.

I must say that i’ve really fought alot in my mind with the concept of being more attracted to someone with a good physical look, and have always repulsed the idea of it, but i’ve found it somewhat hard to get away from it. I’m at lest not attracted to that usual look that men like (very thin woman, alot of makeup, usual blonde hair (no offends), and oversized “mammary glands” to put it bluntly), but I usually like girls with big cheeks (the upper ones, hahah). And alot of people don’t realize that physical attraction at first, or just avoid to say that they like anther person because of that, but we tend to last more with someone that we have some physical attraction to.

Sheesh said 11 years, 1 month ago:

How can we define an ideal relationship? Well one way to begin is to look at where relationships fail on this planet and from there attempt to glean a vision of what might be considered ideal.

In a recent article entitled “Relationships: Why Most Relationships Fail” I make the point that most individuals form relationships based on meeting their own respective needs through the other.

In other words the relationship “becomes” about having the other say and do things that will make you feel whole, complete, validated, worthy and good about yourself. It’s no wonder that when these expectations are not regularly met that one can feel saddened, disappointed, frustrated, annoyed, betrayed, untrusting, avoidant, angry and perhaps even enraged.

So you see relationships based on such a foundation are essentially bound to fail.

Would it not be beneficial for individuals to dispense with such expectations i.e. that of getting their needs met by the other before contemplating entering into a relationship?

Well that might lead some to wonder what a relationship is supposed to consist of then.

If it’s not about getting needs met then what is one supposed to do in a relationship?

If one can get passed this conundrum the next question becomes: “Is it even possible to address all of my own personal needs before meeting someone else?”

To address the first point I will suggest that you reflect on what your heart’s desire for you is in such a situation.

If you ponder that you will likely find some of the following:

1. Desire for a loving and lovable companion.

2. Desire for a relationship that allows one to be one’s true and genuine self.

3. Desire for a deep emotional and spiritual connection.

4. Desire for an opportunity to experience one’s own personal growth.

5. Desire for an intimate connection that enables one’s personal creativity and the creative potential of the couple.

6. Desire to come together and make a real contribution to the planet and the lives of others in a meaningful and loving way.

On the second point I would say that one must become honest with one’s self about one’s true nature and abilities.

Whether you choose to accept this or not I will say it bluntly:

“You are responsible for creating everything you are currently experiencing in your life!”

Now that may be difficult for some of you to accept and you will perhaps attempt to justify what you perceive as a helpless situation as being out of your control.

Well if that is where you choose to stay then that is where you will continue to be.

It has been my experience that at some point an individual will refuse to continue tolerating the pain of their “designed” experience and will search for answers as to how to change it. As they do they will eventually recognize the fact that they are creating everything in their life.

Along the way they may however initially refuse to see this and frequent individuals who will collude with them into the believing that they are victims of their circumstances.

This will supposedly feel comforting to them for a while until they recognize that such a stance does nothing to make the pain of their lives really go away. Rather it only leaves them more ensconced in it.

Eventually, and I don’t know how or when this happens for a given individual, they will “wake up” to the truth that I outlined above and this will lead them to a new way of being.

It is only when this happens that they will find new ways to address their so called “needs” themselves. By doing so they will be preparing themselves for the kind of relationship I outlined above.

Until then they’ll only go on fumbling in their current dilemma which not only feels unsatisfying it also drains one’s vital life energy.

LittleLilinLover said 11 years ago:

I believe that people are way too complex for there to be such a thing as an ideal relationship. Every person has different needs, and those needs will change throughout their lives, so it makes it hard to define anything as an “ideal relationship”.

Honestly, most people judge the success of a relationship by its longevity, but I think that’s rather faulty thinking. I think a relationship should be judged based on how both people benefit from it, and especially how they come out of it.

I think a one night stand that leaves both people feeling satisfied and refreshed is a better relationship (and yes, that is a sort of relationship, just a very short one) than a marriage that lasts two peoples’ entire lives but makes them both angry and bitter.

So since longevity can’t really be factored into what I think an ideal relationship is, the definition has to be even broader. So… I guess… “An ideal relationship is any relationship that leaves both people better off than they were before they entered it.”

Honestly, peoples’ needs are so vastly different. At this point right now in my life, an ideal relationship for ME would be…

1. Heavily physically intimate, since I very much enjoy physical intimacy.

2. Polyamorous, because I dislike committing to one person and I fall in love with multiple people at once.

3. Involve a lot of cutesy displays of affection going both ways, like flowers and stuffed animals and gifts and poetry and such. I love giving and receiving those C:

4. Involve a lot of thought provoking discussion. I’d need a partner who is very political and willing to go to protests and things with me.

5. Physically active. I’d like to be able to work out with my partner.

There’s probably a whole lot more, but I’m not gonna detail all of it. If you ask people to define the ideal relationship for themselves in excruciating detail, you will never get two identical answers.