daddysgirl said 11 years, 1 month ago:

So I know that thinks work a little differently running through a guys head versus us girls. I tend to be the typical girl that over analyzes everything. So here is the short version. A little over 3 years ago I dated this guy and we went out for a month till he ended it and went back to is ex before me. He was really nice while we were going out, but his ex had him so screwed up. I don’t know the whole story there. For the next two years against my better judgement I kept meeting up with him and it just wasn’t good but I was alone and couldn’t let go I guess, but then finally I did and I told him to never talk to me again. And I was doing good and started dating this other guy which lasted for 7 months. But my ex would check in on me every now and then and see how I was doing. I knew that he had worked through things and kicked out the ex that screwed him up. And he was just reaching out for a friend, which I am a nice person who wants to help everyone. The guy I was going out with didn’t mind. Then he broke up with me 2 months ago. And looking back on it I am better off and majority over it, but ever since, my ex has been talking to me and getting closer. I don’t really have many friends so he was the closest I had and talking to him helped me. And I can see he has changed, but he is still figuring things out but he knows he screwed up many things and made some bad choices which is why he doesn’t have many people cause he pushed everyone away, but for some reason he still always reached out to me and he says he isn’t sure why. We’ve met up a couple times. He works a job that he is away quite a bit and he hates it, but hasn’t found anything different. Anytime we meet up we always go a step further than friends, he normally kisses me. It confuses me because it feels like it did before and I don’t want to go back to those feelings because it took me so long to get over all that and I don’t want to be that girl again. I am fighting so hard trying to not have feelings come back for him cause I don’t want to get hurt. But I like having him as a friend, we just can’t seem to keep it that way. I’ve talked to him about it because he knows it bugs me, but he isn’t sure what he wants and how I fit in his life whether it is a friend or if he wants more. But it just confuses me. I know it can take guys a little longer to process things, but it is so hard to see where I stand with him. He normally is the one that starts the conversations, and he’ll listen when I vent. Sometimes I can get him to vent a little too. Any ideas guys what might be going through his head?

imalmostthere said 11 years, 1 month ago:

Hi Daddysgirl:

If I were you, I’d put some distance between you and this guy, especially before you get further entangled.
I sort of used to be that guy. He may have problems for legitimate reasons and he may be finding his way, but the heart needs stability, not agitation. You can actually get to care about a lot of people, even people who’ve made seriously bad mistakes in their lives, if you allow yourself enough time with them.

At the very least, I think he needs you as a crutch. I work in an area related to divorce where I see nothing but failed relationships and people. I’m assuming that you’re younger (early 20s?) and you have a TON to live for.

I’d encourage you to develop a sense of strength over a sense of sympathy. You’re allowed to feel bad for him, and even to listen to him on occasion. But I’ve seen so much sadness and bitterness and familial/financial destruction that I’d just tell you to seek better odds. NEVER stay with somebody b/c you feel sorry for them. You may be feeling a need to help but do not confuse that with love.

I can recall 2 long-term serious relationships I had with ‘good’ women but they had some serious psychological/emotional disorders. My justification to hang around was they were good, solid, reliable women (kind of like a radial tire). Sounds funny, but there wasn’t really a “romantic” reward, just a friend one.

Make yourself seek a stronger (ie. HEALTHIER) man and seek better rewards. Your friend may improve in time but don’t bank on it. I made that mistake and paid for it as most people you find in this world DON’T fix themselves. You have a chance for something better. Point your friend in the direction of help, but seek a happier person.

Alex said 11 years, 1 month ago:

Not having time to read through the answers already given, here it goes..

I’m 16 and went through a fall out with the only girl I ever loved (and still do). The guilt drives me absolutely insane and drove me to apathy. I now only have feelings for that one girl and don’t find any other girls attractive compared to her. In my mind, she’s a goddess. Maybe he does feel guilty enough to want to patch things up with you, but he may be using you to keep himself from feeling guilty about the other girl. I can’t know for sure.

I suggest that the next time you two hang out that you lightly enforce a “ain’t gettin nuthin til u earn it” policy. Just kindly and softly tell him that in order to get any more action or feelings from you that he’ll have to show some more commitment to you. In my eyes, you won’t be playing him, he’ll have to go through a romantic tryout in order to make the team.

From what I read, think about how I would be in his shoes, and inferred from your story if he doesn’t agree to go some time without action and actually have to earn you, he isn’t worth your time, effort, or feelings.

(Take note that I am not your average, horny, teenage boy. While I do have your best interest in mind, I cannot answer for the way he thinks. If you’d like to inbox me questions pertaining to anything abnormal that boys sometimes do, please feel free) I hope this helped, and good luck!!