Michael Paquelet said 10 years, 7 months ago:
Okay this is going to be long but I am really confused on my relationship with my current girlfriend and I need some advice.
Beginning of our relationship:
We have been dating for ten months and started dating when we were seniors in high school. It was kind of a rough patch at first because my ex before her started causing drama because we started dating and made all our friends turn against us. Going to a small catholic school drama starts up bad. We both went through a bad depression phase and there was a time we were both self harming. My ex attempted suicide and blamed me for everything then she tried to have all of my girlfriend’s friends turn against her, in the process she lost one of her best friends. They were best friends for all of high school and because we were dating her friend hated her. Her friend felt pity for my ex and thought that we were screwing her over so she pitied friended her. We even went on a week break not even a month into the relationship because her ex-best friend convinced her to. The thing is that her old best friend made my girlfriend feel like shit because she was being herself and emotionally bullied her and was a very unhealthy best friend but my girlfriend does not see that and actually will try to do anything to make her happy. After a couple of months things began to go smoothly. We hung out out every day after school and there really wasn’t much drama or problems. I began to love her and we always have so much fun when we are together almost every time. I felt like the lucky one who found an awesome girlfriend who gets all my jokes and plays along with them and is spontaneous and is down for anything. She was there for me and i was there for her. I lost my virginity to her and even though she wasn’t a virgin she still considers losing her virginity to me. It seemed so perfect. We have so many fun memories together. Then summer started…
Weird part of relationship:
After we graduated from high school my girlfriend and I went to a little family friendly party with fellow people we went to high school together. Someone had the idea to play truth or dare and it got to the point that people started kissing and everytime it was my turn or her turn we would have to kiss each other, which i did not mind but it pissed her off. After a couple times she say; “this is pointless, everytime i get a dare its aimed towards my boyfriend.” She seemed frustrated and i didnt really want her to kiss other guys and i really didn’t feel comfortable kissing other girls, btw these are full make-out kisses. So to make her happy i said it was okay if she kissed other boys when deep inside it hurt. I just hated watching her kiss other guys right in front of me and acting like it was okay. After a couple weeks into summer my girlfriend puts a deadline on our relationship. She said college is a new start for her and she wants to start everything new, which means breaking up with me in august. After a couple days after the deadline being made i told her i was not okay with it and she says that the reason she doesnt want to keep the relationship is because there will be parties and she doesnt want to fall into temptation and end up hurting me. She also says that “we both knew from the beginning of this relationship we were not going to get married.” I told her if you really love me you wouldnt cheat on me and she says she really doesnt want to change her mind. I keep going so, I’m pretty sure this part was a lie, she says there will be no more deadline. After that our relationship started to become shaky, we were more distant and she was very vague on everything. Around the seventh month she started talking to her old best friend again. With that i felt like we were growing apart, we would never see each other and she would barely text me. I felt the end was near. She began to go clubbing and partying. She did not even let me see her on her birthday because she was busy getting a tattoo and belly piercing with her old best friend. On the 7th of july she broke up with me. Her reason was she wasn’t physically attracted to me and she loved me as a friend instead of a lover. The real reason was she wanted to party without having consequences. During the next month i learned she partied pretty much nonstop and had sex with another guy and i dont know what else. She changed and even her girlfriends started to hang with me more because of her new party life. Towards the end of july my girlfriends old best friend left for college and she had no one, not one friend. She began to feel lonely and then contacted me. We planned to have lunch together. In my head i was planning on telling her off about everything and how bad she hurt me. So we had lunch and she said she at least wanted to be friends, i did not have enough courage to tell her everything i wanted to say so i just awkwardly said that i wasnt sure if we should be friends because my feelings would be toyed with. After lunch we decided to hang out the rest of the day. The thing is we had so much fun together, i havent had so much fun since before the break up. Everything was like normal and i was getting pretty confused if there was a thing browning between us again. Towards the end of the night we flirted to the point we were holding hands chilling in my truck, something came over me and i went in for a kiss. That kiss ended up being a full make-out session. She said she was sorry and started crying on my shoulder.
Back together:
After that night we have been back together. The thing is when that happened we got back together and acted like nothing has happened. We really did not talk about the break up and it seemed to have ceased to exist. My trust for her has really gone down. I did not know her plans on getting back together with me and i feared the worst. i was scared i was just going to be her make-out/sex buddy because she did not tell anyone we were back together. Her excuse for that was she did not want to start drama again, in my eyes i felt like i was her secret and she was ashamed of me. There was also a time where she spent the night at some guy’s house and tried to keep that the biggest secret from me before it happened even though i already knew she was planning it. I was cool with it till i learned she was keeping it a secret from me. I have become clingy and super jealous pretty much all the time. We still hang out all of the time now and have so much fun together, i still love her im just not sure vice versa. She said she doesnt like to drink now because of bad memories but then she turns around and says she wants to go party with me. I dont really know what her long term goals in this relationship are. All of my friends and some of her old friends say it is a bad idea to get back together with her and stay together with her. They say i can do so much better. Its just i feel so happy when im with her and i can say that i do love her, im just scared the same negative feelings that caused her to break up with me will re-occure and ill be hurt in the end. Thats probably why im so clingy now, i never used to be. Overall it has almost been a year of dating and i don’t really know where to go from here.
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