Hey everybody, I could use some help with “moving on” from a bad breakup after a long relationship.
I dated a girl steadily for 6 months (which, for me, is actually an exceptionally long time). She broke up with me, but we continued to see each other without commitment for about 3 months. Looking back, I now think she was using me during those months, since she cut all contact after she found some new boys.
I’ve tried to move on, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before her. And it’s been hard.
I’ve done EVERYTHING I can think of to move on. I have started exercising, I meditate, I have focused hard on my studies, I have made new friends, I spend time with other people, I’m trying to date again, I do things I enjoy… What else can I do?
People have commented that I look happier, that I look healthier, that I look more handsome. And it’s true, I feel more put-together and I feel better… But I still feed sad. And lonely.
And then I get to missing her at least every few days, and I break down in tears. And there are so many things that remind me of her. Things that I often end up seeing every day and can’t not see, like certain buses (from the routes I took to visit her), the color black, roses, cats, bats, rats, and so much more…
What do I do? How do I move on? It’s been 4 months and she’s seeing other people and moving on. I can’t help but check her blog at least once or twice every day, and that’s not helping. How do I stop missing her like she’s clearly stopped missing me? How do I just move on? What else can I do?
I think by trying so hard to move on, you’re definitely going in the right direction! It’s normal to miss her– she was a big part of your life, so of course you’ll feel a little empty without her. My advice is to just keep doing what you’re doing, and maybe try to develop deeper relationships with the people you actually are friends with, or the people you want to date. Hang out with friends when you’re feeling lonely, it’ll help get your mind off of her.
I hope everything looks up for you, and keep your head up! Eventually you will stop thinking of her. For now, just take it a day at a time. Good luck
At this point you’re doing all the right things.
As sucky as it is for this to say; there’s nothing more you can do but give yourself time.
I don’t agree that eventually you will stop thinking of her. But I can say you’ll stop thinking of her all the time. Once in a while you’re going to have a thought about her. It’s going to hurt less.
Time resolves all pain.
As many have stated, you’re doing the best you can do. But you can’t treat your past feelings as now-irrelevant thing. They exist in some point in time, and they meant a lot to you, so even in the present you can’t simply throw them away; they are apart of the person you’re becoming as well as the person you were. This is how life works.
I know how annoying it is though. I’m in a similar boat. A mutual break-up turned into just being friends into eventually us two seemingly hating each other. I hate thinking of her for the same reasons i miss things about her. Its as if the feelings are a prison as much as they are fuel to go forward. I don’t know when the feelings will go away, or if they ever will, but i know that they are here for now, and all you can do is keep going forward and appreciate the good times those feelings originated from.
I know this doesn’t seem all too helpful, but I’ve been through the same thing, and you know what’s helped me? Time. Yep, time, it sucks, and it was the worst thing ever. My dad told me “son, it hurts, and its going to hurt, its normal, and the only thing that will heal it is time.” of course there’s more to it, my idea of letting time heal it isn’t staying in your room everyday all day not doing anything lol. But keep doing what you are doing, live your life, date, enjoy what and who you have. You’re going to think about this girl, you’re going to miss her, you’re going to hurt every now and then, hell 5 years later I still think about her from time to time, but it doesn’t hurt, I honestly wouldn’t get with her if i had the opportunity to, and it took me what felt like FOREVER to feel that way. But I still and probably will ALWAYS have a soft spot in my heart for her, even though she hurt me, and really treated me like crap after she broke it off, I still have that soft spot for her, my resentment is gone, and I wish her the best…idk what she’s doing now, idk if she’s married, has a kid, or what, I don’t go to her facebook, i don’t look her up…i just don’t. its just something I don’t think i ever really will do because its not relevant anymore, she isn’t relevant to my life anymore. I can’t sit here and tell you to “move on” because anyone who has EVER been hurt knows damn well nobody can just “move on”…it takes time. I hope everything all works out, and feel free to message me.
It’s never easy when a marriage or significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split—and whether you wanted it or not—the breakup of a relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. But there are plenty of things you can do to get through this difficult time and move on. You can even learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person
Healing after a divorce or breakup
Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good? A divorce or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.
A breakup or divorce launches us into uncharted territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.
Recovering from a breakup or divorce is difficult. However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.
Thank you everyone for these wonderful responses. They were really helpful, especially since they all centered around a similar note, so it really helped me figure out what I need.
As you all said, I guess I just need time. Yeah, it sucks…
And I think I need to stop checking her goddamn tumblr. I still check it as often as I did when we were dating (basically every time I go on tumblr, which is a lot because I really like tumblr) and I know that isn’t helping me move on.
So I guess I’ll just keep myself busy and preoccupied, even busier than before! Thanks everybody