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Mind, Body, and Soul. said 9 years, 10 months ago:

I’v had a very bad experience with the male species to the point that I dont even want to be friends with them anymore. I really really hate them for everything. But I want to have kids and get married. I am FAR from lesbian, FFAAAARRRR from it, so thats out. I would really like to have that great guy and have those screaming small humans from hell. i really do. BUT i really dont want to end up getting a divorce because he ends up being a total ass and im left with no one to help with the kids. And then the kids hate me because im a shitty mother, i really would not be able to live my life like that, I would go into major depression and my kids will only hate me more, i want to cry just from the thought.

I really want to be a brain surgeon (if not that something else that can bring home a lot of money) so i can help my family and have money left over so i can give to people and the homeless and save animals and orphanages and charities. I never really wanted to go to collage, i’v always had that fantasy of being a stay at home mom. Now i see that in order to be a stay at home mom is to be with a guy and hope he is actually a good guy that wants me for me and not for sex and stuff.

A man is enough for a woman, but a woman isnt enough for a man, and i never thought that was true but i know now it is.

Soo i need to make a decision now before i go into collage. Do i go in with the mindset of BIG job that will take many many years to get done and i make myself money, successful and help people, but no marriage, or go get some job that i dont want that will pay but i look for a guy and hope i get married to a great guy and not get a divorce, and or not be in my 40′s and single with a shitty job.

I really want to live in the fantasy of beautiful marriage and kids, but i dont want to never get married and be a nothing . I think that the brain surgeon is way more logical to go with. what do you guys think i should do?

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Evo said 9 years, 10 months ago:

Ahh… Well, I’ve felt this myself.. not hating guys, but being afraid of marriage for the same reasons. I mean, I look at it as we’re all human, we all have some kind of flaw and you may not know what that flaw is until you’re married. Take my parents for example, my dad has some anger issues and is a bit controlling. They’re still married but my mom really isn’t as happy as she could be.
Now, I’m not saying everyone is like this, there very well could be someone out their willing to share all the good and bad about themselves over time and you decide that you love them for who they are and you’re pretty sure they do too.
In the end, my advice to you is go ahead and do college and get all the grants you can. maybe you’ll find someone you really love whose willing to help you make your dreams come true and even then you could work for awhile and then maybe decide to stop working to start a family. Though if it turns out you haven’t found anyone who is someone you’d like to spend the rest of your life with than you’ve gone to college and can support yourself.

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Deleted User said 9 years, 10 months ago:

You sound like if you have a lot of presumptions, about guys, your ability to be a good mother and you underestimate yourself as well.
The problem is not men, albeit, the past is full of problems, the major problem is you!!
If you live life with presumptions, you don’t move on, and you end up holding yourself back. You become limited.
Life cant be fun without risk and uncertainty. Marriage is definitely a lot of uncertainty thou;p. Like me, personally I see myself, having a partner and when we are ready like adopting kids, I might only get married if the adoption requires it. I don’t feel its fair to spawn more kids, when there are so many who don’t have a family.
A successful woman said she has 9 kids and is a ceo of fortune 500 company, she can rock the work and personal life, coz she believes in herself. Dont limit yourself, go for it 100%, and you can get anything you want!

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ipp-od said 9 years, 10 months ago:

You should not place your future in somebody else’s hands. Pursuing medicine, and being a brain surgeon, requires a lot of patience and burning passion because it’s a very tedious process. Medicine is not something you can easily pass. You need to be very serious about it. Then, marriage on the other hand, if you really want to be with a guy who will stay with you for the rest of your life, select people thoroughly. You NEED to decide what you really want in life. I think you’re too young to think about marriage as you’ll only be entering college, and it’s too early (and actually unfair) to generalize all men. Plus you know, men find it attractive if a woman can stand alone all by herself.

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Swifting said 9 years, 10 months ago:

I don’t think you’re being fair to males.

I don’t think you’re being fair to yourself.

You do not have to develop a mindset of what you want especially not at 18 or 19 going into college. You can change your mind. You can make mistakes.

Hanging all of what you learned about Men on what you’ve experienced in High School is like driving a stick shift car from 1980 that has crank windows and the air conditioning doesn’t work. I’m not saying that you’re going to just magically find a man your first year of college who is going to be a brand shiny new automatic transition car with gps and park assist. But, you can’t say all men are bad off of one experience.

Who says you can’t have both? The great family and the great career can co-exist – it’s all about balance and finding a good structure.

Don’t put your eggs in one basket. Do the best you can in school and see if you even think you’ll like brain surgery once you get there. College and classes on that level are bound to be different than high school. People change their majors and their minds.

Do the best you can and let life lead you. Don’t be rigid.

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