Please don’t judge me, I’m gay, my boyfriend is emotionally unavailable

There is nothing wrong with being who you are, on the contrary, I would rather congratulate you for accepting who you are and brave enough to show it to the world.

However, relationships are hard, regardless of sexual orientation and I feel for you. From what you've just described, it doesn't seem to me that he is that interested to be in one with you anymore, or maybe even doubting his preferences i don't know. What you really need to do is have a talk, an honest and open conversation with each other. Tell him how you feel. And hear him out as well. Perhaps going to a couples counseling would be a good idea if you're both up for it. And more importantly, do what feels right to you, what causes you the least amount of pain. You deserve to be in a loving relationship, as does he. And it may be together, or with different people.

Do what is right for yourself, you're the one who has to deal with the choices you make. But don't let fear of hurting cause you to miss out on the opportunity for future happiness. Something has to change, cause the way it's now, none of you seem to be happy.

Hi Hopelessinlove. Please know that I feel your pain. I know what you're going through. It can be very sad, painful and most of all, lonely. From what you said, you have been in a relationship with him for two years but had a honeymoon stage of only a month. It's amazing that the two of you have gotten this far, but I'm worried that it's only you who is working to make this relationship happen. I hope that is not the case. After all, relationships only work if the two of you make the effort to make it work. This means you have to be very open to each other, open enough to express your feelings honestly knowing that your partner will respect your honesty so that the two of you could find a way to work it out. Of course, that is how relationships are supposed to be. The key phrase there is 'supposed to be'. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel so helpless that you can't seem to work things out, then this is something that you and your partner 'should' try to fix together. However, I am afraid it is only you who is trying to save the relationship. Your partner doesn't seem to want to help you work through your feelings in this relationship. While this may be because of a lot of factors, this is still terrible behavior. You have to ask yourself the questions: Is he really worth all these trouble and all these pain? Do I even deserve a guy who doesn't even feel the need to make me feel secure in the relationship even when I already expressed my fears and even when i already try so hard to make things work? Am I only trying to make things work because I am still in love with him or is it because I am only in love with my idea of him?To answer these questions, you need to communicate that you need some time off of the relationship. You need to focus on loving yourself first. Try to meditate, volunteer, do some of the things you've always wanted to do and just try to do the things you love to do. Take the time to avoid thinking about him so you could focus on thinking about yourself, what you really want and what you really deserve (which is the best, by the way).There are several choices we have to make in life, and those choices are best made when your judgment isn't clouded. That means, you try to focus on what you want so you could decide if it's what is best for you. You decide what would happen next. You could choose to worry and be miserable about it, or you could choose to be happy for yourself.

hey there, It really must be very painful feeling rejected and unwanted especially after a long period of time - even after you have tried to express yourself and your feeling - this still does not work . I understand that you really love this man and really want things to work and have really been trying your best to make them work . Perhaps you could consider trying to do something special for him on your anniversary and instead of complaining or showing you are hurting - try to compliment him and act happy - this may play an effect because he may be feeling some emotions of his own that he would be finding it difficult to express . As for the bedroom , you could try to spice things up or make things more romantic and do something different . You mentioned that he does not have any friends , you could try and take into interest activities that he enjoys and make an effort to work on them - and perhaps instead watching a movie suggest massaging his back or neck . Yes, 3 months is rather quick to move in with someone - but like you mentioned you have made it so far so don't really think that it was a bad step. Also I must add at some point couples do get comfortable with one another and they don't really make an effort to try and work on things - its up to the other partner to notice (which you did ) and try to fix things or change things . :) Good luck if you still feel you need to talk feel free to inbox me anytime :)

That. That is just so painful. Please, have mercy on yourself and leave him. He doesn't deserve a guy like you. You are gay, you are supposed to be gay (happy, this time) You can't stay with him when he's like that. It's just not working. There are tons of guys who would be willing to catch you and be better than him. Think about yourself.. Make yourself happy.. Open your door to other guys who are willing.

No judgments. I'm bisexual, myself.

Look, if things are that tough, then you need to sit him down and calmly, but seriously address the issue and ask him if he still wants this relationship and that if he does not, that he needs to respect the time you have spent together and confess. It is far less hurtful to openly admit it than to hold it in while you hurt each other.

Don't let this keep going on. You deserve the same chance at pursuing your happiness as anyone else.

It's all good:)

I've been in similar situations. It's hard, but you really need to give him space and tone down the neediness and constant need for reassurance. I think if you just let him know how you feel and that you wouldn't be so desperate for signs of affection if he let you in once and a while it might help. If not, fuck 'em. You shouldn't have to torture yourself.

gay or straight I don't recommend anyone to be in a relationship where the partner is emotionally unavailable. I know that it's scary to think that but a relationship is a two way street. this doesn't mean just giving in to every need or want or agreeing with them all the time, it means that you are willing to listen to your partner and willing to consider their feelings to make decisions that affect your relationship. for example, I was very needy in our relationship and my husband didn't quite understand why. instead of dismissing it, my husband and I talked about it. why am I so needy? why do I need reassurance? then I was able to work though my feelings of abandonment as a child. also my husband was able to work through his emotions of a father that did not say "i love you". I think this is the kind of partner everyone deserves. the sex is icing on the cake.

No judgements here. I'm a gay boy, and accepting of all people and their journey. That's the good news.The bad news is that emotionality is hard. People are all on different walks of life, and therefore are on different emotional journeys. For whatever reason, it seems like he can't be in that space with you. If he's willing to go to counseling (individually, so he's not forced to divulge that intimacy with you until he's ready), then the problem is easily fixable, it'll just take time for him to take that journey to emotional experience.He may never get to that point that you want him to be, but if you can find a medium, then things will be easier to manage, and the relationship will have a chance to survive.If he's unwilling to grow, or unable for any reason, then it may be time to reconsider the relationship for you. You can love him all you want, but if it's just one-way intimacy and vulnerability, do you really want a relationship with a one-way glass?Commitment sustains the love, love doesn't sustain the commitment.

hun, don't worry... what's so wrong about being gay? one of my best Guy-friends is gay. It is so much fun to gossip about men with a guy, I get a lot of good "guy" input :-) but getting back to your problem: first of all, why do you have to give HIM time away from YOU? You act like you are the annoying one! No No No, if he needs some "me-time" HE needs to go get it on his own. It is not your problem nor your duty to fix his issues. I recommend that you take some time and focus only on yourself. Do fun stuff on your own, do not invite him along. Meet friends on your own. You are under non obligation whatsoever to drag him along all the time. Stop arranging your life around him. Be a bit selfish. Don't feel sorry about it! Find a new hobby for yourself to do alone. If he is smart enough, he will realize that you might just be slipping away from him and turn around. if he doesn't, you will no doubt have to take the difficult decision to leave him. Love is a 50/50 thing, not getting anything back when you give so much will just make you unhappy and frustrated.