if you see someone bullied…

it's a difficult task to teach your child how to deal with bullies as such. I would say that the best way to help them is to give them the moral grounds in which you see fit. Most of the time you should make your own choices, even if its the wrong one(your child that is) so that they learn from their mistakes. As nice as it is to think that you should snitch or stand up to bullies it always comes down to the situation as to how it should be dealt with, theres not a universal answer! I would encourage my child to do what they thought was right, and to think about what if it was them.

Having been a victim of bullying when I was young, I was told two different ways to deal with them: my mother told me to ignore what they did to me and tell an adult, where my father told me to stand up to them and fight back. I went with my mother's advice during nearly my entire experience, and all it resulted in was adults not believing me and getting beaten up a multitude of times. I agree with Lone Helper in that the child should make their own choice and learn from their mistakes/experience. However, sometimes it helps them to know what choices they have instead of figuring out what options are there on their own.

I don't really know if it's not caring so much as that feeling you're talking about when it comes to anticipating confrontation. Even if you have no reason to be afraid, you're afraid. Maybe it's a fear of breaking the social flow. I know even though I strongly believe that we need a lot of empathy and compassion, I still tense up whenever confrontation is bubbling. Ideally, my desire would be to facilitate some productive interpersonal talk, about why the situation escalated, and so on. I'd want to trigger the empathic response if I could. I think if that happens, the confrontation is easier to dispel.

You can research the topic, and see what the consensus is on among parents, probably a "do not engage directly, but report and create awareness" approach, but I think a martial art could give them an idea of how to defend themselves along with the right mental attitude about it, at least to minimize damage taken as possible, and give confidence. Along with creating a relationship where they feel ok to talk to you about what happens to them.

I think you need to definitely teach your children that bullying is not allowed and it should not be tolerated, and watched without any action being taken. You are right when you say that a lot of parents or teachers dismiss it and don't realize what's really going on. I agree when I believe that there needs to be a lot more awareness of this topic because bullying isspreading around the world at a rapid pace. I know a lot of people wouldn't want to be involved in the conflict, especially if it's not any of their business, but if a child stepped in between a bully and a victim, it might potentially save the victims life, and also give them hope that they have a friend or someone to stand by/protect them. I think that if the bully still does not stop after another child interferes, that's when it should be taken to authorities. The problem with this is that they don't have any proof, so i think that the person watching and not doing anything about it should also video tape or record the situation between the two so it is apparent that that's what is really happening.

thanks all. great point about letting the child choose and that's how I will deal with this question. my kids have righteous and judgmental temperaments, (gets it from me, I am an INFJ) and I know they will step in. my husband and I have talked about putting him in karate (I am half okinawan so it's a cultural thing as well).

also I realized that ignoring and getting an adult is just as good if an adult did intervene. I kind of dismissed that and just assumed that an adult wouldn't come help. if they come tell me of course I would go and confront the bully. I guess it's sad that i have to think about what if an adult doesn't care. so I will respect my child's choice in the matter.

I'm a teacher, and we see what's going on. Many times, we can't actually do anything based on a complaint from one student. The problem is the parent of the other student will call for, and possibly get, punishment for us. I'd never give this advice out loud, but it would be better to stand up and take a punishment than it would be to wait for adults to have any meaningful intervention.