I don’t know what it means to be a Christian. Does it mean to serve people? Does it mean to serve the Lord? That just sounds like being a slave and that you’re at the mercy of any circumstance, positive or negative. I like Buddhism. I like meditation. It seems calmer and easier to do. But I don’t understand whether God exists or not and it’s making it very hard for me to move forward until I figure this out. I like Jesus; I like God. But whether or not they exist is tough. It always used to anger me when I’d see street-preachers yelling fire and brimstone on the street. I can’t go to church anymore because it freaks me out too much. I never believe in Hell as a kid but now I don’t know what to believe. It just seems so strange that a God who loved us would create something like a Hell. And if Heaven exists, is it just for dead people, or is it something else entirely. I never liked going to church because the people there seemed so dead-eyed and mean. It seems like every conservative I talk to is into God, but they’re also into other things like gun rights, immigration laws, hate and persecution of gays, taking away benefits for the poor, environmental plundering and everything else that seems to be wrong with the world today. I don’t get why so many christian/conservatives just seem so goddamn angry. And LOUD. So many of them go to church and just start whining or speaking in tongues and singing LOUDLY. Why can’t they just SHUT UP? These are just some of the things that bother me about christian/conservatives. No equality. Picking on the poor and sick and helpless even though we should be helping them. It doesn’t seem like many people who believe in God are all that Godly anymore which leaves me to wonder, “why on Earth would I choose this religion?”
Thank you for taking the time to read this.