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    Spectrolite7 posted an update 5 years, 9 months ago

    I feel like i have to start a new life in another country because where i’m at in the moment feels like a torturous humiliating experience because i’m here doing my best to be successful but i feel like i’m stuck waiting for something that has taken a lot of my attention and when i do try to go outside and do something, i feel like a complete alien and like i can’t even relate to anyone… people like to look good and like the best and when you don’t look as good, they look at you like a weirdo… or like you’re dumb… when that’s not even the case… the problem is, people always have some kind of opinion and people opinions can sound hurtful at times and they make you feel alone and like you can’t even have true friends. going outside to have fun should feel pleasant but to me, for some reason it feels unpleasant because the people and their energies… so i feel like i cant improve with skateboarding because the energy i get from the skateparks feel very judgmental and competitive. They need to shut the hell up and stop being so rude and dark like that… and be inviting and encouraging. I can’t stand looking at people’s rude faces… and their evil judgmental eyes. I feel like nothing matters anymore, i feel like a failure… i’m 30 and it feels like i haven’t amounted to anything… when i look at myself i see so much failure and even though i keep trying my best… i don’t see exactly what i want to see… im still keeping my faith but the people who said they would help me better fucking help me because if i don’t receive that specific help, i feel like my life is nothing and i really rather end my life than keep living a life that hurts every moment… that even if i do my best to live life it still hurts… like why do i have to continue living like that…
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      Oli replied 5 years, 9 months ago

      Please don’t feel bad about yourself @spectrolite7, you are such a wonderful, amazing and fabulous person who will fantastic things in life, you will make all your goals come true and you will be successful, focus on surrounding yourself with hope, light and positivity, make all your dreams a reality and know things will change for the better, be kind to yourself and know so much brightness lies ahead for you, believe in yourself and never give up, you can do it, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

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      Spectrolite7 replied 5 years, 9 months ago

      thanks @oliver i wish I was strong enough to make real change in my life… i’ve been doing the best i can but i really still feel like a failure… i feel like im dying from so much emotional pain… i feel like i might just waste away in my bed… i don’t know what else to do… :( i feel like i actually don’t exist…