Trigger warning: sexual abuse
I was in my first and only relationship at 16 years old. He was 18. I should have known it was a problem from the start; he grabbed me and started making out with me without my consent, but stupid me thought someone was finally interested so I went with someone I hated to try and make myself feel loved.

I remember being at his house, laying on his bed, looking at my phone. He suddenly shoved his hand down my pants and ripped my bra off–once again, nonconsentually. I felt super insecure about my body to the point I just froze because I didn’t know what to do. Next thing I know, he is trying to insert himself inside me. I am screaming out in pain as my body physically does not accept him. He feels remorse and walks away. These kind of things happened more than once.

Multiple times, he called me, crying about how he was sick of being seen by his schoolmates as a rapist due to actions committed against his ”psycho ex”. He told me if I broke up with him, he would kill himself as I was the only thing keeping him alive, even if he constantly told me to my face that I was ”not the prettiest or the smartest, but [he'll] take what [he] can get”. I was told that I was not allowed to talk to other boys. He turned all of my friends against me, and tried to get me to ditch my best friend so all of my time was devoted to him. It took me a full month to recognize the red flags as true problems and leave the relationship.

I was so blinded by the idea that somebody It has been a few months since I have blocked him out of my life but he follows me wherever I go. I was so blinded by the thought that someone actually cared about and loved me that I let myself be emotionally and sexually abused.