Usually, I can control my eating and rarely eat more than one small meal a day, but recently, I’ve been comfort eating a lot, and it’s caused me to put on a bit of weight which is really starting to distress me. I hate myself more with every mouthful but I can’t seem to stop. But even with all the comfort eating, where I feel like I’m eating far too much, I’m still underweight and I have low iron and white blood cells, which obviously isn’t good for my general health.
I feel fat constantly and hate my body image, I’m so disgusted by myself and now am constantly triggered to self harm because of feeling that I’ve been eating too much, and because of putting on weight. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t stand to look at myself, and being inside this disgusting lump of fat is making me intensely suicidal. I was rushed to hospital last week because I wasn’t safe to be alone because of suicidal thoughts, and they’re still plaguing me. I honestly don’t know what to do any more, my weight was so low before Christmas and was dropping fast, and I felt so much more confident. I just want to get back into the habit of restricting food but I feel like I’m stuck in the comfort eating cycle…
Please help… some advice, anything… I just can’t carry on feeling this disgusted with myself, it’s dangerous. I need to lose weight, and fast. If you need any more information that you think would be useful in helping me, just ask…
(I have depression, BPD, anxiety and a currently unspecified eating disorder which is being assessed next week)
