Can’t decide.

When I was little, I was sexually abuse/molested. The person that did it was around the same age as me, and was my cousin. This went on for longer than I can remember. He kept me from telling anyone by getting me to believe I would be in trouble if anyone found out. Finally I told my grandparents. They had gotten custody of him from his foster family, and when they found out what he had done, they feared he would do it to my younger sisters and sent him back to his foster family. I haven’t seen or talked to him in years. Just recently, my aunt got back into contact with him. All of the memories have come flooding back, and my grandma doesn’t seem to remember what happened. I have no intentions of talking to him. My aunt wants me to friend him on Facebook so we can reconnect but I refuse.

Only one of my closest friends knows what happened. I’ve been debating on telling my boyfriend, and he knows something bad happened, but I haven’t said what. I’ve only told him it was bad memories. He understands and says he’s there if I need to talk, but he’s not going to force me to tell him anything. I told him the main reason I won’t say anything is in fear of what his reaction would be. I’ve been debating on this for a few weeks now. I’ve been told by the only person that knows the whole story I shouldn’t tell my boyfriend because of what his reaction may be.

My question is, should I tell my boyfriend why I’ve been a little more stressed lately? I have no problem telling him, other than what his reaction may be. I would appreciate any opinions or advice anyone can give me.

One thing is he knows who the person is, not actually having met him but his friend request he sent me. I don’t want anything to happen if he were to come to visit my aunt and the rest of my family. So how would I go about telling him if I do?

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Anna

4 Answers

0 accepted

If you cannot tell your boyfriend something like that it is advisable to find another boyfriend. You need to be able to tell him anything and everything. You're auditioning people to be your life long partner. You deserve to have someone who will accept and support you through this.

And, I would tell the aunt that you had a falling out and really don't want to reconnect. If she pushes the issue after that then you might sit her down and explain to her that it was something very bad and you're not willing to forgive and society does not require for that act that you do for give him. Beyond that you do not have to tell her anything it is not her business.

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Swifting

5,256

I feel like you should tell your aunt. So that she won't really bring your cousin over, because there is a chance that he might try and do something. People like that don't really change.And if you really trust your bf, then you should tell him. But only if you know that he won't get angry and end up doing something that might send him to jail. I think that your boyfriend will actually protect you, and be there for you in anyway that he can.But first of all, tell your aunt. She needs to know. Sit down and talk to her. I know that it might not be something that you want to do, but that's the only way that she'll understand why you don't want to friend your cousin on facebook or even see him.Also, if your grandparents are still around, I think that you should maybe talk to them and get them to talk to your aunt and make her see that getting in contact with your cousin is not really a good idea. I hope my advice helped you, in any way.

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Helen Smith

169

Inform your Aunt of what happened. She will stop suggesting that the two of you connect.

As far as your boyfriend, if you do not trust him enough, or are otherwise uncomfortable with telling him, then do not do so. You can always tell him later, but you cannot un-tell him if something goes awry.

In these cases, it is better and safer to let people know what happened. The more people who know, the larger your support group.

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Humanist Hope

16,417

I think that your boyfriend will be totally understanding or your situation. You should not worry about his reaction at all, as any reasonable person would realize how delicate of a problem this is to you and would also be supportive.

You should inform your aunt as well as ur grandma, as they might realize too that what your cousin did really is serious and what they're asking you to do is stressing you, as well.

Please dont keep this to yourself, as it is a weigh you mustn't carry all alone.

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Agnes, My Dear.

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