Rising said 9 years, 1 month ago:

I have been volunteering with abused children for a while now, mostly just listening. Sometimes it can be tough and I can feel jaded and have to take a break for a while. But mostly I find it rewarding and healing, because as I talk to them often it feels like I’m talking to younger me which has it’s benefits and drawbacks.
Mostly the work I do is over the phone where children ring a helpline and I promise them that it’s confidential and they can talk about anything. That means I can never pressure them to give me their address or full name in order to help them out of their dangerous situation. I also have to maintain a kind of detachment and while often they are screaming at me that I don’t understand and never can, I can’t give into the urge to let them know that I understand better than they think as often their situation is very similar to what I went through.
Usually the common feeling amongst abuse survivors and people going through it is selfhatred. Often that’s because they feel like they have no control over what’s going on and they internalise all of those negative feelings towards themselves. Sometimes it’s easier to hate yourself than hate the people you are living with or the people who are meant to love and care for you.
So as a volunteer it’s my job to remind them that they deserve to be loved and to let them know their rights and to gently encourage them to try and take steps towards safety even though that can be incredibly scary and feel like your betraying your family. Also it’s often a fear of the unknown. When you’ve grown up in abuse your whole life you almost get used to it in a way, and it can feel like better the evil you know than the evil you don’t.
And with physical and sexual abuse, it’s often accompanied by verbal abuse which can make the survivor believe they deserve all of the abuse they are receiving. Which is never, ever true but the abuser uses that as a weapon in order to keep them their and silent.
It pains me that there is so much evil in the world and that humans can be so unbelievably cruel to each other and towards their young. It boggles my mind that people can treat other living beings that way and although I’ve experienced it and heard countless people’s accounts of what they have gone through I still don’t fully understand it and probably never will.

If you look at mental health facilities and suicide rates often abuse is a contributing factor and that’s something I believe should be talked about more.
I know of one sports team of a group of young boy’s where there were about 30 on the team and 6 of them killed themselves before the age of 30.
I know this because the coach was prosecuted for sexual abuse but only got 4 years in prison which in is mind boggling to me because I believe he had a hand in each of their deaths. The abuse he inflicted on them left them looking for an escape and the only option they saw was to take their own lives even it in each case it was years later after the abuse had stopped.
Often it’s the aftermath that kills, it’s the lack of understanding from society and the silence and the misdirected shame and guilt and self blame.
It should be talked about more because no one is alone in their suffering. The aftermath can make survivors feel like there is a deformity within them, which can’t be fixed but for any survivor who is reading this-although the road is difficult, you can learn to love yourself and to live a happy life.
My biggest advice to survivors is when you feel safe enough to do so, educate yourself. It was one of the most beneficial and healing things that I found because then it was glaringly obvious that I wasn’t alone. Just reading the signs of abuse and a bit about the aftermath other people were describing-it was like a light bulb going of in my head-all the signs were describing me and some peoples stories of their aftermath and feelings were like they were putting my feelings and experiences into words.

Reach out and seek help if it’s available although I know in some countries in pains me to say that is not always available. But there is a movement happening and hopefully it will bring about a change of attitude. If there is no help available in your country then I would strongly advise you to reach out to support groups on the internet- but while doing so be careful not get lost in the aftermath either. Healing often requires looking back and dealing with undealt emotions but it’s also incredibly important to keep looking forward. Abuse is never fair and no one deserves to go through it but out of great hardships, great strength is often forged even if that person can’t always see it.

Just needed to vent that and to remind abuse survivors, that your not alone through this, your feelings are valid and to remind you that you are a lot stronger than you feel at times.
Take care.