LuLu said 7 years, 9 months ago:

Can a boy and a girl be just friends?

Deleted User said 7 years, 9 months ago:

Definitely. Ignoring heterosexuality for a moment, a lesbian isn’t sexually attracted to men so that means she’s perfectly capable of being ‘just friends’ with a man, and homosexual men are able to be ‘just friends’ with women. I’m guessing you’re mainly talking about heterosexuality though – Being romantically/sexually attracted to a gender doesn’t mean that you’re bound to fall in love with a friend of that gender and can’t form friendships with one of them without there being more. Personally I believe I’m capable of being romantically attracted to any gender, yet all of my friends are that – friends. I’m female and also have friends in my youth orchestra who are guys that I don’t experience attraction to, so yeah, I definitely believe that female-male friendships don’t have to have any romantic feelings involved.

Michael18 said 7 years, 9 months ago:

OF COURSE! In fact most of my friends are girls! And i do get along better with females than males, and yeah, i’m straight 100%

You can even be just friends with someone you consider attractive, all you need is self control… notice, i said someone you consider attractive, not a crush or somebody you actually fell in love for.

Being of different genders should not be a reason to reject somebody’s friendship, in fact it gives your life more variety and opposite gender friends can help you see the world from a different point of view, also that could help you to broaden up your interests, give you advices from a different point of view (too).

Anyway, you should give it a shot, maybe you could find an amazing guy to be friends with and well, relationship wise, would you rather have a relationship with a random guy? Or a guy you’ve met from a long time ago and trust? And how can you get to know a guy? Well, befriending him of course.

LuLu said 7 years, 9 months ago:

well this is why I ask… I started a new job last year and my co-worker and I are the only two young ones working at the firm. I have rules I set for myself and one of them is keep your work and private life separate… Well this is not the case, Ferdi and I started hanging out and today we’re best friends. I find him attractive and all that jazz, but now I just can’t imagine my life without my best friend. We do everything together. We work together 5 days a week and see each other almost every weekend, we go on holidays together. Everybody thinks were a couple and to the outside it really looks like it. I say that I don’t have feelings for him in that way and he says that as well, but sometimes his actions says a different thing. I don’t want to read too much into it… I just tell myself that it is in his personality or this is what guy/girl friendships are like… but all our friends and other co-workers keeps hinting and pushing us to be in a relationship, even our families started nagging. But I think we have been proving them wrong, It is a really complicated situation. It is fun having a guy as a best friend since I learn a lot about how guys see things and act. We can talk about anything and I mean anything which is nice… Us being so close, does it take away the chance of either of us finding love in a romantic way with other people? I don’t want us to be lonely but I don’t want to lose the closest person in my life…

rinseandrep said 7 years, 9 months ago:

If you spend all of your free time together, yeah, where’s the time to look for other people? Plus it sounds like once one of you two randomly gets a relationship, the other will get a cold shower from the sudden cut in time together.
But you can start to take some baby steps into cutting some no-ferdi time in your life so it’s gradual. And he gets to also find a proper outlet for the actions that puzzle you.

LuLu said 7 years, 9 months ago:

Thanks @rinseandrep

Katrina said 7 years, 9 months ago:

I think i’m in a similar situation as LuLu even though i’m a still a student. I became friends with a classmate of mine, Moni, around 3 years ago and the last 2 we’ve been getting closer and closer. Presently, we miss each other during the weekends and fall asleep together and we’re inseparable, really. We talk about anything and everything, even the most ridiculous of topics. Our physical closeness is unusual for a simple friendship, i admit, since i hug him all the time and love kissing him anywhere that isn’t his lips because yeah, no actual romantic feelings.
We’re graduating next year and i know he’ll study abroad, far away from me and i don’t know how i’m going to cope with that but we have promised to live together for at least several months because last summer we understood that we’re quite compatible as roommates when we visited my hometown.
Point is, despite our closeness, we do not have any romantic feelings for each other or sexual urges, urgh. I’m certain about myself (i wasn’t at first but after everyone questioning me, i realized i saw him as somebody i loved, not as a simple friend but definitely not as a boyfriend) and he’s never felt that kind of attraction to me, he’s made that clear. Everyone around us thinks we’re in love and by everyone, i mean our friends, the school, teachers and our families. He has a girl he likes and i have my crushes and i’d be really happy for him if he got girlfriend and would gladly let him spend time with her despite my usual loneliness; i want him to be happy.
However, we did make a deal not to confess to each other in case one fell for the other as so to retain our relationship. We know that romantic feelings don’t last forever and there’s too much drama and really, we just want to have each other just the way we are, no need for awkwardness after a break-up. A close friend of mine suggested ‘we try it out and see if it works’ but– if it does, we’ll start kissing on the lips, yay -.-, but if it doesn’t work out and one of us develops feelings for the other, our thing will ruined. So, yeah, hope i made my point clear…?

rinseandrep said 7 years, 9 months ago:

The situation you describe with this roommate remembers me of “squishes”:

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Romantic_attraction#Crushes_and_Squishes

The deal about keeping all your feelings inside and repressed no matter what seems too much though, it can work for some people but also just poison the friendship anyway for others. Although it seems for now it’s not a risk.

Katrina said 7 years, 9 months ago:

Wow, i never knew about ‘squishes’ and some things have just become clear to me, not certain if it’s about my situation with Moni though… Thank you for the information, it has been enlightening.
The deal– for us, it’s safe for now because it was made to protect our friendship and if one started acting strangely, the other would sense it and we’d resolve the issue, i’m sure.

NotSafeForTwerk said 7 years, 9 months ago:

Yes, me and my best friend Cammie have been friends for 10 years, she is getting married soon (which I hope to attend) and I am going to be an uncle as well.

littlemouse said 7 years, 9 months ago:

My best friend is a girl I used to go out with. We went out for a few months and then she came out and we broke up. That closeness and trust we had stayed though and we are best friends still. Its been like 4 or 5 years. I have my girlfriend, she has hers and we are best friends.
Its not very standard but it works for us.

Placebo said 7 years, 9 months ago:

I took the time to read through most of the comments although admittedly i did skim the rather large posts. Heres my 2 cents. it is completely 100% possible to be just friends with someone of teh sex that you are attracted to. Ill use that wording to cover the different gender/sexuality combinations.

I am a 20 year old male and i met my best friend when i was 13. When we met we skipped the friends phase and started dating. we dated for 3 or 4 months and we decided it wasnt what we wanted to do. Now, fast forward 5 years and we were still inseparable. We did everything together, spent hours on the phone every night together and we both had significant others throughout those years. It was fine. But because we were so close the lines got blurred a few times between us. We randomly took turns catching ourselves falling for the other for short spurts. Which over the next year eventually worked its way up to a climax of us throwing ourselves at each other and destroying the “just friends” line. But the very next day we were back to being completely normal friends.

Basically, its completely possible to have an incredibly close friendship with someone who is of your sexual preference, however be prepared for the lines to get blurred because when you care about someone so immensely as we did it gets a little bit messy. The true test of the friendship is if you guys can bounce back and deal with that stuff and hardly bat an eye because you both understand each other and know that its just part of the learning process and exploration of each others’ feelings for one another.

Placebo said 7 years, 9 months ago:

Also, side note. It might be worth in the future exploring what it would be like to be in a relationship with the guy you described because in my experience sometimes the best relationships are the ones where you are extremely close friends before hand. Which, by the way the only thing i saw you say against dating him was keeping work and home life separate but if you are hanging out every second what difference does it make? Some people are afraid that a relationship would destroy a friendship but i can say im living proof that exploring stuff like that has only made me and my best friend closer.