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Mia said 8 years, 11 months ago:

I have a lovely friend, let’s call her A, A and I met 3 years back and have been good friends to best friends ever since. We do everything together in school, she loves me and I love her, we have a very healthy friendship.

However we are complete opposites, I love music, art, theatre and dance, I love the human mind and a tomboy.
She however, is a super girly girl, a bit spoiled and needs things to go her way.

I love her, but sometimes I get this nagging feeling at the back of my head that she doesn’t treat me as good as I treat her. Whenever she’s sick I check up on her, I help her, I care for her very much and I know she cares for me too however sometimes she ignores me, she gets upset so easily and she’s very prissy. I know it’s partially because of her personality, but I wish she’d treat me similarly.

That being said, even though I feel as if she doesn’t treat me as right, I don’t want to end this friendship at all, we’ve got a strong friendship based upon each other and we do certainly have lots in common.

But I do want to not feel as if I’m just lugging behind her, any help?

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Rain said 8 years, 11 months ago:

Maybe you could try to sit down with her and have a talk about it. Communication is important. It can be difficult to get along with someone who’s completely different, but if you two have been friends for so long, then you both should be able to make it work. Have a talk, meet each other in the middle. There might be some things bothering her too that she isn’t sharing with you yet. When you have a talk with her, it is important to do this in a calm manner. Do tell her how much she means to you, so it doesn’t look like an “all negative” conversation.

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twinings said 8 years, 11 months ago:

I understand how you feel, I had a best friend just like that (not really best friends now because I moved away) – she was really girly, always getting her hair and nails done and I was really geeky and a bit of tomboy. But we got along well and I felt our friendship taught me a lot and gave me the opportunity to try new things – spray tan? Never tried, ok I’ll give it a go! And I used to buy arts and crafts stuff and science kits and we’d spend whole weekends having fun :)

But every time we had an arguement I was always the first to apologise and after a while it really wore me down. It wasn’t that she treated me bad, it was just she didn’t treat me like I did with her. One time she heard a rumour that I’d told my boyfriend she’d cheated on someone and he told the guy and she deleted me off Facebook and deleted my number without even asking me whether it was true. It wasn’t true and I was so hurt that after years of friendship she could just throw it away without even asking me.

I’d never do something like that to her, or anyone, because even when I feel they’re in the wrong, I always see their friendship as more valuable than a silly arguement so I always make peace.

I spend my whole life being nice to people and apologising to people for stuff that isn’t my fault and it never gets any better. Just this week I’ve been poorly and my classmates have started to come down with it so they’ve been picking on me relentlessly about it and I’ve been apologising – I’ve apologised to a group of people because I have a cold!!

She doesn’t care about you less, or think of you as less of a friend, it’s just the way she expresses her feelings is different. You and I think about other people’s feelings and tailor ourselves to them, and other people don’t really think that way. It will always be like that and it will be hard at times.

You have to weigh up whether the enjoyment and fulfillment you get from the friendship is worth having to sacrifice this bit. In my case I felt like it was worth it but not all friendships are, if you are unhappy.

Hope this helps, I’m a bit new on here so just finding my feet!

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MLE said 8 years, 11 months ago:

I recently posted a question about my friend and got an interesting answer about how i deal with my own happiness. Basically, I expect others to make me happy because I try to make others happy. Life doesn’t work like this. It is not peoples duty or job to make me happy, it’s my own job to indulge in my own wants and needs in order to make sure I’m a happy person. I’m resentful toward people who aren’t thinking of my happiness, when in reality, it’s myself who isn’t thinking of my own happiness. Does that make sense? you should be your favorite person, and your own number one. That’s self love, not selfishness. You can see the reply I got if you look at the question. It made me realize how right it really is. Stop caring so much about her all of the time and care a little bit more about yourself. Chances are, it might balance the friendship out because she might not expect you to go the extra mile you go for her. That doesn’t mean you can’t be best friends, it might just mean you don’t have to do so much all of the time.

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