Thirteen_Black_Cats said 10 years, 8 months ago:

First of all I don’t want to make myself out to be bulimic. I’m not. There are people who actually struggle with stopping themselves everyday, and I’m not one of those people. However, I have made myself throw up a number of times, and I often get the compulsion to do so, but the times I’m made myself puke are far between. I have the urge, but I’m often too scared to go through with my impulse since its so painful to do so. Honestly thats what makes me more ashamed than the act itself because I feel like a coward every time I choose not to. I deserve the pain, honestly.
The thing is, I’m 5″2 or 5″3 and I’m around 140 lbs. I’m actually fat. So often people tell already skinny and pretty people not to do this to themselves because they’re already beautiful. That doesn’t apply to me, though. And normally when I eat I end up feeling bad about myself afterwards. I wish I could just stop eating. I could give less of a fuck about making myself look good enough for someone else, but I want to feel good about myself for myself.
(Also the feeling of nails scraping the back of one’s throat is surprisingly painful. I know not to do that again haha)
Anyway I haven’t told anyone about this so I just wanted to get some of it off of my chest