My dad killed himself when I was 13. It’s the hardest thing to deal with. He overdosed on pills. His family blames me. They say if I was a better daughter then it wouldn’t have happened… That’s a lie.. I loved my dad.. So much. His depresssion ate him up, I saw it.. We did everything together. But he was depressed, and he had severe arthritis. I am now 18. I’m struggling. I’m just trying to make my dad proud. Due to bullying and depression of my own, I couldn’t graduate high school, so I’m getting my GED. I’m not a bad kid. I don’t party… drink or smoke.. His family hates me now! But i think it’s because they wanna pin the blame on someone. Pointing fingers.. I don’t talk to them. All they do is insult me. Tell me I’m a failure. I mean… Yeah I have depression too. Kids are so mean to me.. They tell me to kill myself like my dad did. I’ve tried once. But no success. They took me to a mental health place. (Two years ago) I feel empty. A part of me is dead… because my dad took it. Will I be okay? I’m trying to be strong.. Everyday hurts…
First, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Even though it's been years, I can tell it is still a fresh wound. There are certain people who when they hurt, they feel they have to find someone or something to blame. It sounds like these people are using you as a 'blame cushion'. That is very wrong. I want you to know that. They are wrong to do that!
I am confident that you are making your dad proud by trying to live the best life you can. I hope you are striving to be the very best person you can be. Even though you were young when your dad died, you had enough time for him to show you a lot. How to laugh, how to love, and more. These things are still inside you. THey will never leave. And when you laugh and love and live life to the fullest, you are most definitely doing your dad proud. I'm so proud of you for going back to get your GED. That shows strength, courage, patience, and endurance. Way to go. There are many who let fear of failure and whatever troubles they are going through prevent them from obtaining their GED. Keep at it. Keep working hard at it and you will succeed. If these people continue to abuse you by blaming and pointing fingers, you might consider putting some distance between yourself and them. If a person isn't helping build you up as a happy, strong, confident person, then they are tearing you down. And nobody needs that kind of person in their life. There are so many people out there that need good friends and family. A family isn't just people of blood. A family is where you find your heart, your thoughts, going to. You can create a healthy family by finding good people to spend your time around. You deserve that. Your dad would probably agree! Trying to end things through suicide is not the answer and I think you know that already. I don't think you want to do that because you are here, asking for advice, seeking words of encouragement to keep going. You definitely sound like you are going through some depression and maybe some post tramatic stress issues, likely due to your dad's death. Consider getting involved in a support group that deals with grief/death. Talk to a pastor or a spiritual friend/mentor. You deserve life! You deserve the best kind of life!
in life there is nothing worse than a parent wwho has died. and no i dont think you are a failure because i dont believe in failure, just by reading what you wrote i can tell you are a strong person i dont think your dad thinks that your a failure either i mean your his daughter and he would want the best for you. I think that with your dads family members maybe they are hurting just as much as you are and maybe they dont want to except the fact that he committed suicide. maybe they feel guilty for not being able to do something so they dont want to feel that so they try to put it on someone else
I am so sorry you had to go through that and lose your dad. I could imagine the must be one of the most terrible feelings in the world. I'm glad your going to get your GED it's a step in the right direction. His family can blame you all they want but it doesn't make it your fault. Try not to talk to them if they are going to treat you like that, you don't need that negativity in your life when your already depressed. I would suggest that you go and try to get some professional help from a counselor or a therapist. If you can't afford it then talk to a really good close friend. I hope you get through this soon.
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