Why I feel so abandoned?

well, i can say this, when he pushes you away, its not for you to stop smothering or worry it means that it isnt the right time for it. you will be okay as much as that phrase is overused its true in almost all cases. we all have that one thing that keeps us grounded to earth, that makes us feel human again and happy. dont let it go but at the same time dont over use it. it can be an infifte source for your happiness and humanity and turst and all of that but at the same time it can trun into gasoline, and youre the one holding the lighter next to it. the things that keep us here on earth that help us feel our humanity are only things to help us, they arent always there to baby us. you can do it, you can be strong enough to go through everything, nothing is thust into your path that you cannot overcome, in the famous words of alot of people, farewell and godspeed

Thanks Kirito, your answer made me cry (again... I cry a lot these days! ^^ ). I agree, but it's difficult not to ask him when I feel bad. If he's my happiness why don't 'use' it when I'm sad? The answer is that I need to be able to get up on my feet. I know. It's just... I'm scared that if I became able again to take care about myself, he forgets about me, about how much he means to me. This makes no sense, beacause it'll be the opposite: I stop bothering him and he enjoys my company again. Making the step is scary.