I've read a handful of books written by John Gottman.
He's a psychologist who specializes in human relationships.
John Gottman estimates that around 69% of conflicts in intimate relationships are never resolved.
And this is actually a normal thing.
The reason for why this happens is because we all have "ideals."
Everyone has their own perspective on what makes life meaningful.
These ideals begin to develop from when we're very young.
They're influenced by our environment, our parents, our emotional experiences, and even our biology.
The way that we envision life can often be different from the way that other people value life.
This difference leads to conflicts, both big and small.
And like you said, these conflicts can come up again and again.
They always end up being put to the side, for later.
By the time we're adults, our ideals are very resistant to change.
Talking about it rationally can resolve some conflicts.
But there are others that not even rationality can make disappear.
It's normal for people in intimate relationships to argue.
The arguments that come again and again are often caused by differences in ideals.
Conflicts and arguments do not need to endanger the relationship.
Every time these inevitable conflicts come up, the health of the relationship depends on how we handle them.
They can either be a passing rain drizzle, or a disastrous hurricane.
One way we can protect our relationships from being damaged by these arguments is to learn, understand, and accept the other person's ideals.
We don't have to agree with their ideals.
We only need to say, "I understand the life experiences that have influenced you to feel this way. I don't agree with it. But I accept it, because I care about you."
