I’ve felt this way for a long time. It’s as if I don’t matter. Whether I visit him to hang out, or try to talk to him after it’s been a while, it’s just depressing me. He rarely ever contacts me, I’m always trying to speak with him. Then I feel even worse when he’s on a social network just posting about how he’s had fun with such and such or saying things like how much he misses someone. It’s likely jealousy, but.. For once I want to be thought of. I want to be missed. Every time I say I miss him he just says everyone does, or why. Why can’t he just say it back? I try and try not to talk about it, because arguments actually happen when I do, and it’s just pointless. I try to see things differently, or convince myself he cares, but it’s hard.. I really don’t feel like he actually does. Whenever he felt sad or anything, I was there, or I at tried to help. When I feel horrible, he’s never there. His main excuse? He can’t contact me, and that’s bs. He should know my number. One day when I finally got my phone turned back on and tried to mess with him, he called me and as soon as he realized it was me, he hung up.. As if I’m nothing. As if once he solved the mystery of who was talking to him, it’s as if it’s a letdown that it’s me. I’ve known him for almost a decade now. I can’t let the friendship go so easily, and he’s my only friend, but I’m hopeless. I had another friend, but she died earlier this year. Who do you think was there when that happened? Certainly not him. I told him and he just stopped talking to me.
I feel stuck. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to waste my time feeling worthless and alone. I’m working on making new friends, and my confidence, but I wonder if letting him go would make things better.. I genuinely feel like he doesn’t care about me. Not even if I died, and that’s the worst possible feeling.
