I feel depressed every day.
I’m homeschooled, I have no friends in school, or all together real life, I live in a gated community and I can’t get along with anybody here except my family and the internet. I feel like the internet has been my only get away, my happy place. I have friends on here I could never ever make in real life. But lately I haven’t been talking to them all that much. I’ll explain what they’re like.
Since I’m not sure I can share real names, I’m going to use fake ones.
Okay, I met this one guy in 2010, lets call him Josh. Josh used to be really cool and nice. But he stopped talking to me about a month after I met him. He ignored me for 3 years, until just this January. (He says the only reason he talked to me was because my profile picture was from an Anime.) And frankly, now he’s just a big dick. He only talks to me probably once a week now. And when he does talk to me, he keeps talking to me about his relationship problems, and he’s only 13! He’s lied to me and several people multiple times, lied to me just to get away from me… I feel like he doesn’t like me at all and I’m just a bother to him. Also, when I have really really sad days, like something bad happened between me and my parents, I wont talk and I’ll mute myself. I have another friend who I will call Hannah, who is really shy on Skype and wont talk at all unless she trusts you, but she mutes herself and talks in the chat. When I do it, Josh is always like, “Hey, Mogwai, you’re not Hannah!” And I get really sad, I feel like I’m only here to just be compared to other people. I have two other friends too, and I feel like they do the same, they lie just to ignore me. What do I do? It’s making me feel worse everyday, like I have no use in the world other than to bother them. I feel like I should just die and they wouldn’t care. What do I do? I hate having these feelings. Is there any advice you’d give me to help me cope with it?
I feel so selfish, like all of this is my fault to begin with. I don’t know what I did wrong to make them all hate me.
I feel stupid, this is a wrong thing to be depressed about. I have other problems but I wouldn’t like to speak of those publicly.
