Why am I the way I am?

I think all of that is actually normal... I feel that way too, and I bet a lot of people do. I guess it's because we have a very strong idea of what the perfect life should be. We hear so many definitions of the perfect self that sometimes we get lost in ourselves.. what I mean is that you're expected to be humble, nice, out going, smart, confident, out spoken, loyal, etc. I don't know where all this comes from, but we get the feeling we should like to travel, dance, party, listen to music and I don't know what else. But the thing is, we are all different, and I prefer to talk to someone about a good book than to stay up until morning dancing and I used to feel bad about stuff like that. What I mean is that maybe you already know yourself but you're afraid you don't match the person you want to be, and that's where we need to change our way of thinking. I think a lot of the stress, fears and ansiety we feel (and from what you described, you're feeling all of those) come from thinking we're not how we should be, thinking everyone else is doing better... What I can say to you is, be yourself, face whatever makes you angry or sad, get 1 or 2 real friends and talk to them about all of this, find out what makes you happy, what do you like to do. Try to live for yourself and your true friends and forget about all those ideas about what happiness is about, because in the end it's up to you.

As human beings, we have conflicting and irrational impulses, it is part of existence. Part of life is learning how to cope with and otherwise handle them for yourself. Look within yourself and ask yourself patiently but persistently why you feel the way you feel.

Begin to pay close, analytical, and objective attention to yourself, develop a detached, third-person view of yourself to monitor yourself and lean to examine what you do, when you do it and why that likely is. It is okay to question everything: you never know until you ask.

Are you a teenager by any chance? A lot of that is what tends to happen in developing brains. Puberty is a bitch. Other than that though, there's no secret cure to being weird. It could be a serious mental illness or you could just be that kind of person. See a doctor or buy some motivational tapes, because if you don't like who you are, changing isn't easy.

Truth is there is no such thing as "normal" when it comes to feelings. Do you ever just feel like you’re on the outside looking in? Whether it’s in a group of friends or around family? If yes, that’s what it’s like for me too, only it’s constant. Every day is a struggle. That anger you're feeling may just be hormones but if it leads to to thoughts of... harming yourself... then I would suggest talking to someone you can trust 100%. But you need to be sure you can trust whoever it is because if that person tells someone, the very fact you trusted them and they betrayed your trust may just crush you. You need to be very cautious.