Why am I so upset about this?

I started dating a guy in August. We dated for about a month and I broke up with him because I felt like he was very unsupportive of me while I was going through a difficult time with my son. We were broken up, not even a week when he told me he wanted to work things out. We were together for another month when he decided that he wasn’t sure he wanted a relationship at the moment. We were still talking and hanging out once in a while and apparently his thought was that we would have a relationship when he was ready. Due to this thought, he informed me last night that when we broke up the first time he had sex with another girl, twice, and that it meant nothing but he needed solace. He stopped talking to her when we got back together. I cannot figure out why I am soooo upset about this.
While I do love him and care for him a lot, I am not in love with him and have had no intention of being in a relationship with him again. I really have no right to be mad at him for his actions because we were broken up. Initially I felt like it didn’t matter. Then when I realized it had to have been right after we broke up I felt upset and brought it up and he told me it was the next day.
I can’t stop thinking about it, and it even made me cry today. It’s upsetting me more that I’m upset about it because I can’t figure out why. I wish he never told me.

Category: Dating & Relationships asked December 3, 2013

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5 Answers

Heck yes you have a right to be upset. He broke up with you....slept with another girl...and then got back together with you....and then broke again? Red flags must float over this guys head. It's good to be upset, but remember that everything happens for a reason, and hopefully you'll remember this feeling if he ever decides that he is ready for another romantic relationship with you.

I think it's natural to feel that way about it because it probably makes you feel like he didn't value you at all if the very next day after you two were broken up he was with another girl just like that. Like he said - he probably did that for comfort but that doesn't mean it was right or make the action any less hurtful. Accept that you feel hurt by it. It's okay. It's important to accept and validate the way you feel so you can forgive him and let it go so you can move on with your life. It's not worth holding onto. I also think that you still care for him. However, even if you don't care for him you were still attached to him before and for that reason alone that sort of thing hurts even if you don't want to be in a relationship with him any more. It's just weird and hurtful. I think you also just need to allow yourself to grieve too as I said. Hope you feel better soon.

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Vivid Melody

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Oh, I'd definitely be upset! I mean, what does that say about his intentions for your or your relationship if he's broken up with you so much, and slept with that other girl the DAY AFTER you all broke up.I'd be ticked!You have every right to be upset. He probably thought that telling you was going to make it better, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

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Raee

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It's okay to be upset with him. It's pretty normal to feel jealous when someone you care about admits to sleeping with someone else. I might be wondering why he would even tell you this, unless you asked? It really doesn't matter what either of you all did when you were broken up, but if he decided to tell you this around the time he figured out that you weren't interested in a relationship, it might have been a way to get you to feel jealous. Some guys will flaunt their desirability to see how upset their partner gets because it makes them feel more desired. I'm not saying this is his motivation, but it might be a small part of it. It makes sense, you told him you don't want to be with him, so he might have told you about his fling to see if you would feel jealous, this would validate for him that you still have feelings and he still has some kind of control or hold on you. It sounds like you've already decided you don't want to be in a relationship with this guy, so it might be best to distance yourself a bit so you can get over these feelings. Hope this helps, good luck!

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