Why am I depressed? Am I depressed?


I have no family, no father, just a stupid mother. This doesn’t bother me, never had a family or father so I’m not missing it.

I’m in a good school, I have friends, I have goals, I have hobbies, I go to the gym.

I write very dark poems, make melancholic songs on my guitar. When I hear ”emo” music (king for a day by pierce the veil always) I start crying, and it feels good?

I help people with very hard lifes, now I’m helping a girl that has been raped and abused by her dad and her steph dad, she has a speed addiction, she cuts and is in psychiatry now.

I just broke up with my girlfriend and I hurt her really bad, I know what she’s going through now and thinking about it makes me feel guilty, (not heartbroken).

So why am i depressed? Is it something I’m not concious of? Is all of this too much for a 17 year old? I feel empty at times, i feel like crying at times, i think about cutting somethimes. (i never do cut, i know that doesnt change anything)
Is the girl I’m helping fucking me up somehow? I don’t think so, not that i’m not empathic but i really dont think so.

asked January 7, 2015

2 Answers

It sounds like depression to me, but maybe not clinical depression - it sounds like it's been brought on by shitty things in your life, and I reckon that once those things are in the past (which they will be eventually, trust me) you'll feel ok. There's nothing wrong with feeling like this, but it does hurt, and it will make you feel miserable. With the girl you're helping, I think it's great that you're willing to support someone emotionally like that, but you shouldn't invest yourself too much in it. Before you know it you're too caught up in someone else's problems and you feel like you're responsible for other people's mental wellbeing, and that isn't yours to worry about, not really. Keep helping if you can, but don't let it take over your life. I'd reccommend just trying your hardest to focus mostly on yourself, and your hobbies and interests. If you feel you can talk to a friend, then do. I'm not saying go to a therapist, get counselling, take medication or anything like that because unless you're really desperate I think that might hurt. But if you can find a method of support that works, that will definitely help. Just remember to indulge yourself once in a while, don't wind yourself up about issues that are in the past, and please, PLEASE don't self harm. It makes everything worse. Hope you're doing ok.
It sounds to me like a small case of depression. The liking the feeling of crying to liking the dark 'emo like' music could just be a part of your personality. Me, I'm a great person and I love to help, but I do have a dark side of me that is angry and loves dark music. This could be a conscious response to having what you consider "no family". I am the same way. I have a mother, everyone else practically disowned me and the only excuse of a father I have is in jail and headed to prison soon. I feel fine about it all but I know deep down is slightly stings me. But 17 is the age where stress can hit you hard. I know this because well I'm 17 and feeling the same. Self harm is not the way to go though, it does nothing more than make you feel worse and then regret will hit you hard. If you ever want to go deeper into this, you can message me any time. I hope things start to clear up for you, and try to have a wonderful day. <3