Why do I feel insecure?


I dated this guy for 3 years. He was my best friend. Then after 3 years, poof! He just left. He found himself another girl. A Sexy, headturning click, which definitely is my opposite. I’m quite boyish and snob at times and weird. It turns out that while he wasn’t finished with me, he was already with his next girl. He left me because I won’t give him his Sexual desires. For 3 years I didn’t have the girlfriend title, nor was I even acknowledged by his friends or family as the girl he’s dating because he basically hid me. Now when I’m hearing about him and his new girl, I feel insecure. He’s with a girl he can brag to his friends because she’s a hot chick. I know him out of my life is a big and actually a positive change in my life but I can’t help but feel sad about it. She’s better at me on most things, especially the physical as the people compare. And i guess I feel insecure because she may get what I didn’t get with my relationship with him.

Category: Tags: asked June 11, 2014

7 Answers

Hey sweetie... Listen. You're a princess. You are. You might not believe me, but every girl is a princess. While some girls are more 'traditionally attractive' and others are more conventionally beautiful, they cannot be compared because beauty comes in every shape and size and in every heart. It's honestly great that you see the positive side of this change in your life, but it's natural to feel replaced. The fact that he hid you, the beautiful girl you are, because he was shallow enough to feel ashamed of having a beautiful girl that his friends wouldn't approve of? It's ridiculous and he must be really stupid to hurt your feelings. This says a lot more to be about him than you, and that other girl has dug her way into a relationship with a very shallow boy. Chin up sweetheart, it'll get better and over time your heart will start to realise each of the little traits that made him the wrong one for you :) Hope this helped :D xx
Stop comparing yourself to that other girl. You both are just different. What you are doing is allowing your self worth to be validated by someone else by simply watching the type of person he dates and comparing them to yourself.The only reason why you never got the girlfriend title was because you never facilitated his selfish desires. That is his definition of girlfriend. Now that he has this other girl who is more "sexy" than you then in his mind she is his girlfriend because she has the sexy image.You said that she is better at you at most things. But have you ever considered that you are probably better than her when it comes to staying true to yourself. You stood up for your rights, something that not all girls would do. You are actually seeing his absence in your life as something positive. To me that is a big plus to your personality.
Firstly, don't perceive yourself as being inferior somehow to the new girl, because you aren't. From your description, you and her are simply two completely different types of people. The reason why you feel so insecure has a lot to do with the fact that your ex and you were never right for each other in the first place. His personality and yours were different and he wanted selfish things from you. See it like a jigsaw puzzle - you and him were pieces that did not fit well, yet you were still locked together incorrectly. The fact that he has found someone whose characteristics matches his does not imply that you're inferior to her, it simply means that he has found a piece that fits. Similarly, you will find someone who fits you the right way also. It just takes time, patience and confidence. When you find that confidence, your insecurity will melt away too. Be kind to yourself and value yourself - you are far more beautiful and positive than you think, and soon another guy, the right jigsaw piece for you, will fall in love with those qualities.
I can say I know how you feel but to a different level. When I see my ex-boyfriend with another chick I feel so sad. But I realised its not because I am insecure or jealous. Its because I cant stand to see him happy because I feel he does not deserve to. He hurt me so bad and he should hurt for the rest of his life. You know what changed my life? I met another guy, he is so many things that he was not. He is loving, caring, accepting and God sent. My dear, just go out there and love like you have never been hurt, and let that other guy love you in return, you will see, it will be as if that guy never existed, because the issue here is the guy, not the new chick.
Don't compare yourself to a another girl, that never helps you. I think you know why you feel insecure, but the question is what are you going to do about it? I suggest a positive change in your style- a hair trim or just a shopping spree. Meet new people that bring out the best in you. Try new things. Change your room layout. A switch in your life can help you find securities and new things attractive too you.
Thanks guys. And Nikki, I think that's also how I feel. It's like "I am the good person, I should be the one who's happy". I know someone will come that fits perfectly with my jigsaw puzzle piece. And it will all make sense.Really, thank you guys. :)
I guess you're right. I don't have enough confidence in myself to start with. Thanks Peter.