Hey all, this might be a fairly lengthy post, I’ll try to condense it if I can. Also, I am new to the site and saw this is not for venting… I hope this is not that, if it is, let me know.
So, for the past year I have been lets say addicted to pornography. For the past month, I have been able to overcome it, and have gotten off of it. My problem comes from the time a little before that.
I told my Dad about it and even though I have successfully stopped the viewing habits, it has backfired in another way. This is a big problem in the family because we are religious, and so him hearing this was a huge shock, and I’m sure a big disappointment.
Coming to him, I was feeling vulnerable. However, he said things like “I no longer have my innocent portrait of you” and “You have let demons into our household” and frequently repeated “What you have done is terrible.” While all those things may or may not be true, that is not what I wanted to hear at that time, and it has caused me an array of stress and self-esteem problems.
It has affected my school performance, and simply my quality of life by being around him. For whatever reason, it has hurt my self-esteem, I start pondering “Am I just dead weight?” Or “Can I ever rebound from this?” And things along those lines. And most of all, I feel like I’m not as close to him as I once was.
I fake happiness around him, because I don’t want this cycle to continue.
So, I need advice. Do I talk to him about my feelings toward what he said to me? Am I completely wrong about how I am looking at this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I am 17 by the way.
Again, please let me know if this is not the right place to post this. If so, I am sorry.