When talking to someone backfires?


Hey all, this might be a fairly lengthy post, I’ll try to condense it if I can. Also, I am new to the site and saw this is not for venting… I hope this is not that, if it is, let me know.

So, for the past year I have been lets say addicted to pornography. For the past month, I have been able to overcome it, and have gotten off of it. My problem comes from the time a little before that.

I told my Dad about it and even though I have successfully stopped the viewing habits, it has backfired in another way. This is a big problem in the family because we are religious, and so him hearing this was a huge shock, and I’m sure a big disappointment.

Coming to him, I was feeling vulnerable. However, he said things like “I no longer have my innocent portrait of you” and “You have let demons into our household” and frequently repeated “What you have done is terrible.” While all those things may or may not be true, that is not what I wanted to hear at that time, and it has caused me an array of stress and self-esteem problems.

It has affected my school performance, and simply my quality of life by being around him. For whatever reason, it has hurt my self-esteem, I start pondering “Am I just dead weight?” Or “Can I ever rebound from this?” And things along those lines. And most of all, I feel like I’m not as close to him as I once was.

I fake happiness around him, because I don’t want this cycle to continue.

So, I need advice. Do I talk to him about my feelings toward what he said to me? Am I completely wrong about how I am looking at this? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

I am 17 by the way.

Again, please let me know if this is not the right place to post this. If so, I am sorry.

Category: asked December 1, 2014

4 Answers

If you think talking to him will help, then yeah start an open conversation with him. Let him know that even if he thinks it was a bad, you are over it and you wanted to be honest about it, so this kind of mocking is both counter productive for your relationship and hurtful to you. Porn is really normal nowadays, sex is everywhere, and accessing it is easier than people want to admit. It happens, you get sucked in. But you overcame it, and that's brilliant. You should give yourself a pat on the back because giving something that you depend on up, is very very hard, whether or not a few other people don't want to admit it. I'm sorry he's giving you a hard time, but I hope everything works out. Hope this helps. x
You are not completely wrong. You have been honest. And you have stopped the habit that your father disapproved of. Now you are simply taking unnecessary damage. I want to suggest that your father might have been a bit too harsh on you over that. I understand how painful words from trusted people can be.I guess you're not sure if talking to him about it is a good idea since you're not sure what he might say. Well, I want you to know that keeping stuff like this in your heart burns you over a very long period of time. I'm the kinda daredevil sort so if it really affects me deeply I'd find the next best time and deal all my cards. If you do decide to tell him, make sure you made it clear that his words are giving you a lot of stress and you can't cope with it.You might also be worried that telling him about it instead earns you a telling-off of being not grown-up enough or man-ly enough. It's not entirely true, some of us are simply much more sensitive than others. In light of that, an alternative would be telling an elder sibling, your mother, or a very trusted friend. If these other options are not available, well you can try letting all your emotions out so you're visibly distressed. That might cause him to respond in a kinder way, or not. You'll have to assess the risks.Whatever you intend to do, be honest with yourself. Understand completely how you yourself are feeling, never ignore your own feelings or dismiss them.Cheers!
Thanks Jess for the post, I really appreciate it. :D
Thanks SleepingDog, I would accept your answer as well if I could do multiple ones. Thank you for your advice. :D