What would you prefer


This place is a pretty big hugbox. I get that being supportive and nice is important and all, but a lot of the time a pat on the head and an “everything is going to be alright” isn’t what a person needs. In my opinion, you shouldn’t compromise honesty for the sake of sensitivity.

So, be honest, do you prefer the predictable torrent of support and calming words assuring you that no matter what you’re completely fine and right and okay? Or, would you rather people be honest even if that honesty means telling you things you’d rather not hear?

asked June 30, 2015

8 Answers

Telling people what they want to hear honestly doesn't solve anything... it gives people false hope sometimes and it can be kind of a drag depending on the situation. I tend to be a little blunt when I want to help someone, even if I may seem unnerving i'm doing it for the reason being I want that person to correct the problem and less living with it. I do though however try to shift my words so I don't come off as a total twat, because come on. If someone confides in you, and trusts you to be 100% honest with them, someone you hold oh so dear, and their hurting? Anyone in the right mind would want to say anything that could make them feel better, but even if you decide to take the blunt side it's not bad to throw some inspiration and hope inside the conflict at hand. That's just my personal opinion though.
well that's what goes around in my head when I see people commenting things like "You're a fighter! Keep going" and stuff. I don't deny the fact that motivating someone is a nice way to make him/her feel positive, but I feel it'd be better to cry along the person than to just pat over his head saying "everything will be alright" and leave. There is no point in giving false hopes. It feels made up! To someone who is really in some serious trouble, I bet the person reading such comments replies with a "easier said than done" comment in his head. People need to be more considerate! More genuine!
I'm always honest. I try to be kind with the things I say but, sometimes I find that a listener needs to hear what they don't want to hear. Sometimes you need to hear you're being unreasonable.
Motivation and gentle words are always nice. However sometimes we need a wake up call, we need someone to be straight forward with us. The truth over nice words, always.
I think you have to combine honesty with kindness. If you think that the person you are helping is wrong or isn't acting correctly, you NEED to say something! Otherwise, what's the purpose of all of this? We are supposed to help people and make them see that there's a better way, good friends say what needs to be said, not what you want to hear.
If honesty, kindness and compassion do not go hand-in-hand in your mind, then you have no business being in the advice sector. The people who come to BlahTherapy are emotionally and often psychologically compromised; they do not get hugs away from their computer, so this "hugbox" is where they come to find some measure of compassion and caring expression.

Understand: The concept of "tough love" is only a half-step away from abuse, and the members of BlahTherapy have certainly seen enough of that; it is why most of them are here.
I think it depends on the person and their mood. For example, I'm about to drive myself crazy about a convo I plan on having with my "boyfriend" (we're trying to work things about) and in the convo a part if it is almost going to come across as dating advice (which I don't want him to do!) But I feel like he's emotional and not thinking the best and I have to lay it out there.
I would prefer honesty but sometimes calming words and support is exactly what is needed.