I don’t know what’s going on in my head or heart anymore. Over a yr ago I was dating this girl, I fell for her so hard but everything between us because I found out she lied about her age and was cheating on me the whole time. That’s 5 months down the drain,but I figured a second chance right ,nope her step mom tried calling the cops on me for holding her hand,saying I was raping her. So I left her I didn’t want to lose my daughter over the drama. 3 months later I started dating my fiance which is really odd cause I’m not sexually attteacted to males, his personality just wowed me plus we grew up together lol. We been together a yr and 3 months now and im in love with him emotionally, he’s very accepting about my past and not being into sex . but I have an issue I can not stop thinking about my ex gf, I absolutely hate her and every time I see her or she tries to talk to me I have a urge to punch or stab her. I do not love her anymore and I know it for a fact cause in Feb I went to go see her sister in-law who is my bff and she was there and kissed me I never felt so wrong and guilty afterwards and she asked me if I was still in love with her and with a straight face I looked at her and said no. So why the fuck can’t I get her out of my head. This is actually causing me to get so depressed that I’m self harming again cause I feel like I’m failing my fiance ,that I’m ruining my life and relationship. He has no clue why I’m depressed cause if I told him I sure he’d leave me and I couldn’t handle that. I can’t get happy anymore I’m always down and crying now and idky. I just want my life the way it was before happy and planning my wedding . im starting to wonder if I need to go back to behavioral health..I don’t want to be medicated cause it didn’t he’ll before. Any advice would help.
