What is life even about anymore?

Fuck. I don’t know. What is it even, anymore? It’s like, yeah ok, we don’t know the meaning of life… no one does, I get it. But somehow, the question “why” seems particularly pressing lately. Going through crazy bipolar swings. This pandemonium. What’s the point?

Am I supposed to be… learning some transcendent lesson about ultimate chaos, coming to terms with meaninglessness, and accepting it? It’s like one minute, everything seems so hopeless and inexplicable, then for a brief moment, I feel like I’m able to get my head above the fog and see where I’m going… but then, just as suddenly as it came, it’s gone again.

I mean I THINK I’m getting things accomplished and making progress, but how do I really know? It could just as easily be that everything I’m working so hard to achieve is actually just bringing about my own ultimate downfall. I kind of really don’t want to live this life anymore, but I mean, I don’t know that suicide would be any better, so I feel like there’s NO options for me, not even that one.

Lately, I don’t sleep much, I’m not really hungry so I rarely eat, it seems I can’t even get myself high anymore. What’s happening to me, it’s like I’m just… becoming Doctor Manhattan from Watchmen, minus the super powers, though… completely detached from all reality. What’s the point, what do I even do anymore? Everything seems meaningless.

Category: Depression Tags: # confused bipolar depression Life lost suicide why asked October 9, 2014

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DepressedEternal

4 Answers

Nichole has an extremely valid point here. You determine what life means, because your life is unique and you're an individual. Despite all of the chaos, the craziness that is unfolding around you, there is a level at which you determine the meaning because no one else can determine that for you. You are who you want to be.

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YourFriendlyNeighborhoodAshton

"As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has--or ever will have--something inside that is unique to all time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression." - Mr. Rogers

I know it probably sounds cheesy but it's the truth. If you think you're accomplishing something by doing what it is you're doing then keep it up. If it doesn't make you happy then find out what does and accomplish something related to that to make yourself proud. There isn't enough time in this world to be doing anything that you don't really want to be doing.

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Hinokage

Okay, but I mean like, how do I go on when I feel this way… it's more of a rhetorical question like, I know no one can tell me the meaning of my life but me… what I'm trying to ask is… read the last paragraph especially. Feeling detached from everything around me and kind of “at rock bottom,” as they say, (though I'm probably not using that phrase correctly) where do I go from here?

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DepressedEternal

I'm here just to tell you that you are not alone in this. I was like "wow" when I read your question because it's very similar to what I think when I switch between my periods of Hypomania and depression. When all my energetic thoughts and my fake happiness go away, I begin to question my position in the world and lose every interest on going forward because I don't even see a future for me... I gradually lose interest in eating and sleeping and that's hell. I can't say to you that it will be better, I can't say everything is going to be ok, maybe someone else can. The only thing I can suggest you is please don't give in, seek for help outside, share your feelings, find something to live for on your own, there must be something worth living for and we should fight to find it. Life might be boring but death can't be changed...

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Earine

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