Hi there! First of all, thanks for reading my story (sorry for some explicit content and not perfect English, as it’s my 3rd language). Any kind of input is well appreciated.
I’m 30 years old Mediterranean guy, been travelling and changing countries most of my adult life, can’t seem to settle down anywhere (really don’t think I’m running away, I just haven’t found my spot).
Currently I have 3 jobs:
- Videogame Designer. Love it, always wanted to be, enjoy every second of it. Very poorly paid
- Technical book editor. Hard work but the credits will make up for it. Not paid until release which will be in several months
- Technician at a computer retail. Have the customers, the environment and my boss is borderline idiotic and half drunk. Pays the bills.
Been in this European country for the third year already, and I hate it. Hate my street (too many bars, too many drunks), hate the people (too many “bad” immigrants, too many drunks), politics are sending this country to hell, making life harder every day. Really want to leave.
The reason why I’m still here is because I’ve been dating this girl for over 2 years, and still needs to finish the last year of college. She is studying something that has very few real world possibilities in terms of getting a job, but it’s her passion.
For the past year, I’ve been paying most of the bills and rent, while what little she gets from her parents barely covers food and transportation. I don’t mind too much, as I make enough cash for both of us, and I’m not a greedy person. I’d rather have less and live happily doing what I like. Her finding a job is out of the question due to the erratic college schedule and massive amount of projects in the last year.
When she finishes, we had planned to leave this shithole and go somewhere else (Canada, for example). But until then I’m stuck with these jobs and “babysitting” her.
Lately I feel extremely frustrated and depressed because I feel I have very little time for myself (I’m kinda independent due to my past life experiences) and hate most of what I do during the day. This is affecting my relationship with her to the point where I honestly wish for her to cheat on me so I can have an excuse to fuck off this country. So much that I have a business trip in a couple weeks, and was even looking on amazon for spy cameras to catch her red-handed. I’m afraid my sadness has evolved into paranoia.
I would like to understand if it’s my 3rd job that affected my relationship or I’m really unhappy with her, therefore everything I see is grey.
I’m a very ambitios person, I want to leave my footprint in this world (hence me expressing myself through videogame creation and writing books), but she’s very “meh” in life. All we do is watch movies together and other random simple shit. I don’t want to leave the house because I hate it out there (not agoraphobia, I simply hate the people here). It’s also not cabin fever as I was always socially awkward, and have no real need for human interaction.
I think this is all I can spill on here, hope I haven’t bored you to death.
Any questions or comments are more than welcome 
Edit: more info: I know I want and need to leave this country, but my main concern is: have I really stopped caring about my girlfriend, because my main job made me depressed, or I’m depressed at my main job because I’m tired of babysitting and waiting for her?
