What do you think of my poem?

1

I would normally post this somewhere else, but my other site hasn’t been working. Comments, likes/dislikes, suggestions, etc are all appreciated. Didn’t quite know what category to put this in either

Out to the Sea

Last year’s winter has hardly gone,
The waves have broken and sun fades dark,
Oh that someone who was singing
Singing slowly to me,
She carries me, carries me out to the sea

Fingerprints lay fresh on glass,
The table’s set and waiting,
The sky falls and swallows me
Swallows me whole
Swallows me and spit into the sea

Reflection burns upon my mind
Her eyes flash like headlights
Oh she speaks softly, quietly
Softly singing to me,
And she brings me, brings me to the sea

Breath to me,
Sing your words, breath
I want to feel the splash of the sea
Laying me down, down in the deep

Last year captured in a frame,
The memories are starting to fade
And I’m trying to remember
Remember your face
Speak, speak sweet to me

Waves, crashing waves, smelling so sweet
Washing my hands, tickling my feet,
And I have to wonder,
How did I lose such a sweet, sweet,
Sweet flower for me

Speak to me,
Sing your words, speak
I want to feel the cold water beneath
Laying me down, down in the deep

Petals waving, saying goodbye
The train left yesterday, a quarter to five
But she took my heart with her
Threw off her disguise
Ran away leaving a trail of her lies

And I trying to breath, Breath the breathe you left me
But you forgot to untie me, I’m being dragged from behind
Choking on your sweet, sweet, sweet
Sweet words from that night
Will somebody hold me and tell me that I’m fine

Moonlight shines out on the sea
Illuminating the ocean’s disease
All this wonder, splendor, somehow missed me
Tangled and ruptured with her sweet, sweet,
Sweet whispers for me

Leave, just leave,
Do you worst, please
I want to feel the thoughts of sea
Laying me down, down in the deep

Category: Tags: asked November 9, 2013

5 Answers

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That is a great poem. Keep writing, you have quite the talent!
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Beautiful. The repetition of certain words really brought it together. Hit me in the gut, softly-Lilly
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This is just so beautiful. x
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Oh my goodness, amazing <3 Keep writing!