What could I do to change this?


Hi. Lately I’ve been feeling the latest bout of anxiety coming from the idea that I’m going to be alone forever. I’ve gotten really angry at myself because I believe that its my own fault, but I don’t know what to do about it.

I’ve fallen in love with several girls while in high school(that is to say, I developed crushes on them), and this is my Senior year. I always take pride in the girls I fall in love with, because I always know there is something deeply kind about them, and something exceptional about them in another way. But every attempt I make to enter in a relationship always ends in failure, and as much as I try to think that maybe they simply do not want a relationship at that point, I always feel like there is something wrong with me that caused it.

Now, my two best friends are pretty much in relationships. One of them was even one of the girls I and a major crush on and tried to ask out. I wish the best for both of them, but I can’t help but feel jealous, and very alone. And there’s no one I can really talk to about this.

I just really want to show that I can love someone, and know that I can be loved romantically, but I don’t know how. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act, or what I’m supposed to ask for. I don’t know what is awkward, or what any girl wants. I don’t know if I should be myself, because myself is vulnerable and desperate.

I try to express this through my writing, but this is almost impossible to express since I want to write from a place of strength so I don’t look weak or selfish.

It has even occurred to me that the kind of weakness, and trust I want to show in a relationship is something these girls just don’t want. But then, it could just be that I get to consumed the love I have for someone to communicate properly with them when I try to get into a relationship.

I know this has to be due to things under my own control, but I don’t know what those things are. What can I do to change this?

Category: Tags: asked October 26, 2014

2 Answers

Loneliness is awful, one of the worst feelings in my opinion. The way people find other people is never one specific way. Some people get out there and go girl after girl until one just steals their heart. Some people solemnly search, only when they find the perfect girl in some unintentional situation that captivates them. There are endless ways to find somebody, and theres always hope. There are billions of people on the planet and the only reason you'd die alone would be if you stopped searching.
You can't rush love, and love, healthy, lasting, fulfilling love, is built off trust and friendship first. You will not be alone forever, but it does take time ti find someone who is right for you. You can find pebbles just about anywhere on the road, but you have to dig for diamonds...they aren't just going to be laying around for you to find them. You have to mine and blast to find them. And when you do find them you have to cut and polish them..all of which takes work and dedication. You can also take a pebble or rock...cut it and make it smooth, but it will never be a diamond. That's how I think about relationships. The good long lasting ones are ones you have to put work into. Your not going to be able to get it right the first time, but it doesn't mean you stop looking or trying. I don't know you so I can't say for sure if it something your doing, if your attracted to the wrong people, or if your just young and the girls you like aren't ready for your level of commitment. But I can say that you should not give up, there is someone for you, just be patient.