I have PTSD and can’t get my life together. I’m a student and miss class most of the time because I have trouble sleeping and waking up. I generally don’t want to do anything as every little thing that requires me to think is torture for me. My disorder makes me think everything through what I see. Even if I don’t want to. What PTSD is is my body never releasing the shock I had in a lifethreatening situation. I almost died when I was 1 year old. So my body thought for my whole life that I am suffocating. The result of this is emmense stress no matter what I do. That ruins the quality of my life. I know that this can be cured and I am trying the best I can but I can’t do school and this at the same time. I’m 17 and I’m repeating a year already and can’t keep track of all that is happening in school. My parents are telling me all the time that I have to show effort. But I don’t have the energy to do that. I don’t think I’m an idiot. People actually tell me I’m smart. But I can’t handle it and I don’t know what I should do now. Life is torture to me. And people keep telling me that I should get it together. … I can’t. All my life I have been trying to find ways to get away from real life to stop worrying for a second. A good way to do that is gaming. Where I just go into a different world and be another person who doesn’t have problems at school and in social life. But now it stops working because I start worrying that I’m wasting my time and that I should do this and that now. But the problem is if I would start studying I would stop after 5 minutes because my head hurts and I feel really tired. One time I had to do a presentation in school. While I was holding it I had a panic attack without knowing it. I thought this feeling was normal and I’m weak for not being able to handle it. So I kept giving my presentation. This basically explains my life. Any advice?
Before I forget. I have suicidal thoughts daily but I guess I’m strong enough not to do that. Everytime I think about it I feel a bit relaxed because of the thought that there would be nothing to worry about anymore. But then I think about how my family and friends would feel about that. So I have to stay for them.
