I cannot even express in words how much I hate my life. I’m in so much pain right now and I’m sitting here watching everything fall apart. My marriage. My kids’ relationships. My career. I’ve lost everything I own this year. I’m dealing with the loss of many friends, both in death and in ended relationships. And it just keeps piling on. On top of it all, I have bipolar, depression, anxiety and sleep problems. I have no love, no happiness, no joy… I feel dead inside.
You're children are your hope. Although your relationships with them right now are down, you can work on that. Show them how much you care. They should keep you holding on. Think of all that you can do with them, all you have yet to experience (weddings, graduations, grandchildren). Do not give up hope on them!
Try to list your children in the "Things to live for" rather than in the "Things I lost" column. Things haven't been good, you haven't been good, but now you got all the time you need to work on your problems, and if you manage to pull it off, there will be relationships for you, and the people who were in your life will be there to give you another chance. Maybe you have to experience this so you find what works for you, and you find an equilibrium. Many people found a change only when they reached the bottom.
When I'm down, I do the bad thing and keep it all in. But the I remember my best friends in the whole universe: my sisters. I also remember that ending my life will end many others in an emotional sense. And I have to remember, why do that to my parents? My family? My friends? I feel like rainy days last forever, but eventually it passes. In my family, we have a history of bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and depression. So I know it's really hard. My words of wisdom to you is, think of all the people who you would effect negatively. And think of all the good things that can happen if you continue to breathe. Life was never easy. It's harsh and unfair and ridiculous for the most part. But let's remember, we can't be happy all the time, and we can't be in a horrible situation all the time. I really hope that helps.
Several years ago I set my mind on publishing my books, and that's been my main purpose ever since (at least until I got my cat). I don't know if you can afford an animal, but just choosing one goal to reach can help. I chose a long term goal (publishing a series of books) which is something that interests me. Perhaps there is something that currently interests you (or something you've wanted to do when you were younger) that you could focus your goal on.I hope this helps.