University, Friends and Relationships. How do they work?

This is probably going to be kind of a rant, but I promise there is a question at the end of it! Apologies in advance!

I’m a second year English Lit student who’s just moved back to university and I’m facing the same issues that I did in my first year, namely friends and relationships, or the distinct lack of them to be precise.

I’m a bit of a shy person. I not only have troubles approaching people, but (at least in my head) I can sometimes struggle with conversations once they’ve begun too; if I’m taken by surprise, I never know what to say and it often feels like I’m just blundering along, struggling to find the words I want or a topic to talk about. Example; just a few days ago some random girl I was walking past complimented my hair, and since we were walking in the same direction, we ended up chatting -awkwardly, from my perspective. When we went our separate ways, I realised I hadn’t even asked for her name.

My issues aren’t helped by the fact that I’m not much of a drinker at all. I never developed a liking for alcohol, and I hate having to sit in an environment with music so loud you can’t even hear yourself think, let alone anybody else talking so I’m really disinclined to go out to most pubs and clubs, which seems to be the only thing fellow students are interested in. Even societies and clubs always end with a pub-crawl, which is where all the REAL socialising seems to take place. It’s like if you’re not interested in abusing your ears and liver, people just don’t care for you as a person.

And, finally, there’s the more romantic relationships. There’s everything written above… then there’s also the fact that my sexual preferences lean more towards the kinky side. So even if I DID build up the confidence to ask a girl out, and she accepted, how would I tell her something like that without freaking her out?

All that in mind (Sorry again for the length), does anyone have any tips or advice to just help me just get out there a bit more and meet some people I can call good friends, or more? I’m not asking to be made into a fountain of confidence whose facebook friend list numbers in the thousands, I just want to be able to go to university and enjoy the company of a handful of people like I do back home.

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Bright

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2 Answers

At the beginning of the year it's always difficult to get started! I'm sure you know by now that you WILL make friends and it will be worth the wait. There are plenty of other ways to meet new people apart from going to pubs; I know I for one hate those sorts of social gatherings too. You can still go out, but you can go to different things, do things that you enjoy and you'll meet someone who also enjoys them. And as for your sexual preferences, don't worry, I think most people are up for doing a lot more than they may let on at first. I can definitely back that up with personal experience; my boyfriend still has no idea just how much I like.I guess the basis of this is to not panic, be patient, and just carry on enjoying yourself as much as you can! You'll have plenty of opportunities to meet people, even in the most unlikely of situations.

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Scout

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I feel the same way, it's hard for socially intimate student life to "just happen" its more of chance, jumping on the opportunity and saying yes to a lot of things, like going to a event a half a hour early to chat with everybody and get to know one another while its still not crowded. sometimes it's best to just go up and talk to somebody you want to talk to, it gets harder as the year goes on as they settle down into a routine and get more busier, but there's really nothing stopping you except yourself making excuses. On alcohol, it isn't necessarily bad, but it is expensive, you can always just drink water or something else, you may be made fun of but you can always make something up like your driving or your on a budget or even the truths fine that you don't really like beer and even gain some respect if you play it out right. really, this way you can find out the types of people and they won't really be "friends" just people you know, at least more than strangers. I'm sure that there will also be some like minded people that you will come across and just naturally take off. always take the initiative to invite them to stuff, like texting is there for you to use, most people will be glad. There will always be those people you won't agree with, you don't got to please everyone, and sometimes, sometimes just being there is all you need to do. In those social situations where everyone's just talking, just walk into the circle and listen, if you don't like them then just don't, its all your choice, people will respect that.

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Haregg