Ummm not sure what to do?

So, I don’t know how to start so here it goes! So I’ve been dating my bf for a year now an I feel like I’m the mom instead of gf. I have to remind him to eat, do homework an go to bed at a reasonable time. An wen I tell him that he’s says that I should come tuck him in to bed. Weird. An sometimes I just get so mad that he can’t figure out to do these things by himself. Even when it comes to sexual things. He wants to be the submissive one an tryes to get me to be the dominant one, but I don’t want to be! I feel like I’m playing the guy part sometimes. This gets alittle personal so warning now! But he made this thing up that he’s the pleasure slave an I’m his mistress…..what?! That’s so weird! An he wants me to punish him an stuff. Yea I tried not to encourage it but didn’t work. I’m not into that stuff! I want to be the girl!! But I think it would be weird to bring it up now sense it’s gone on for a while an he’s super hard on himself so it’s hard to tell him stuff, like critiques. What do you think?

Category: Dating & Relationships asked November 22, 2013

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Straydog5551

5 Answers

1 accepted

I think the reason that you feel like the mom, is possibly because you two are past the in love stage & more into the love stage. Where you do remind him to do stuff, and you do make sure he's doing what he needs to do & he's okay, etc. I'm not saying that love isn't cute texts & pictures & shit because I guess at some point it is but then there's the part that everyone forgets about, when you don't wanna be with each other every second, & you get sick of each other sometimes, & it's not as easy. I think that's actually kinda normal to an extent. As far as the sexual thing, tell him that you're just not into that. Believe me, if he wants to keep having sex, he'll listen to you haha. Good luck!

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Sammie

Yeah, this relationship does not look okay.
First, the S/M stuff he wants you to do (the slave/mistress thing) isn't a thing you should just spring on your partner. If it's a thing he wants to do and you want to do it too (which I'm not getting from you) then you two can talk this out and negotiate how often/what you BOTH want to do. You can look into this yourself too and see what makes you excited.

Secondly, his inability to behave like an adult (eating, sleeping and doing homework) has NOTHING to do with the S/M stuff. Plenty of people are subs/slaves without needing a partner to do everything for them. Hell, if he wants to be your slave, he should be doing things for YOU.

If you feel like you're mothering your partner, that's not a good thing. It's okay (good even) to care for your partner, but they need to be able to handle themselves. You are partners, not caretaker and child.

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Jessiebelle

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I just want to preface my answer by saying that being the "guy" or the "girl" in the relationship doesn't really exist. In a relationship you are yourself and you can't be anything except for that. Some guys like to be submissive, and to be perfectly honest I think it's a bit sexist of you to assume that the guy in the relationship should always be the one to take charge, both emotionally and sexually. But to answer your question, just talk to him about it. I know you're afraid that he's going to be too hard on himself and beat himself up over it, but the key to a healthy relationship is communication. You two have been together long enough where you should be at the point where you can have honest conversations about your feelings and expectations in the relationship. I wish you the best of luck with your problem.

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supermassive blackhole

I think that maybe you're being there for him too much, you know? Like maybe back up a bit and stop reminding him to do things and stop having sex with him, and I think he'll get the picture and miss you and appreciate you a lot more. If that doesn't work and it honestly bothers you that much, maybe you shouldn't be together. He might need the motherly type, and the dominate type in the bedroom. And maybe you can't be that for him, but that's okay, because maybe you need something different too.

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Breathless Canon

I think that if you are not liking where its going then you need to change it or you will continue to be unhappy. To me, it sounds like you all are at different maturity stages and that's something that's hard to work around sometimes. I wouldn't feel bad about not liking the situation though, because I personally would not like it either. I would feel uncomfortable too.

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KellyMichelle:)

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