Trust.

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Is it possible that you love someone so much and yet not fully trust them at all? That baffles me a lot. I’ve always been a doubter, I would always think about someone’s motive behind his actions. Now, this hinders my relation. They say relationships need trust more than anything, but still, I know there will always be a loophole and one way or another people will break you, and lie and cheat. Even if he gives me reassurance, I still can’t set my mind to believe everything he says. Am I overthinking this or is this but normal?

Category: asked October 26, 2014

6 Answers

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I don't think it's 'normal' but I'm in the same situation right now and am coping so much criticism for not trusting my partner who has lied to me. Once the trust is broke, it takes a while to fix it and earn it back. You can't just flip a switch and expect it to return.
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You can love someone and not trust them. I love my brother to pieces, but he's proven that he can't be trusted with certain things. But with that said.. a healthy relationship cannot exist without trust. Because of the fact that I can't trust my brother..I limit my contact with him, and probably won't invite him over anymore. This affects my relationship with him, but it doesn't diminish the fact that I care for him. So yes you can love and not trust...you just can't have a productive relationship. I guess in a way your are over thinking it, butif he's lied to you before it's not without good reason.
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I don't believe it's particularly normal, but I also don't believe that this is absolutely rare, either. I think it's just that possibly, maybe he is doing something. That's probably the least likely possiblity, though. Has there been something from your past leading to this, something that could cause a slight paranoia? I know I stopped trusting people for a bit because of one person before, so that's also a possibility. But I believe you should trust him for a bit, just give it a try. If you still feel doubtful, then maybe it isn't mean to be or maybe it's him not trusting, either. If it works, which actually probably isn't as easy as just trusting him and walking away with it- it's more like getting used to him and developing trust- then you two should be advancing forward. According to most signifigant others, trust is a huge thing in relationships. Personally, I do believe so, too. Feelings as well. Think about it, is the doubting because of him, or just your doubtful thoughts? Do you think trust is important, and what do you both seem to think of each other? Those things should decide what happens next.
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@ Rhelena, AutumnLeaf and Cait

It all roots down to the past I never seemed to trust people that much. But there has been events in the plight of our relation that doesn't make sense, discrepancies I noticed but I just opt to not mind his reasons. Though these are all doubts, I can't really verify if it was true or I'm just overthinking circumstances. I just pretend that I don't notice anything, but it hurts a lot. What more if I confront him, right? I'm afraid I'll hear things that'll put an end to this.
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its too normal to feel like this.i'm somewhat like you,i can't trust people too easily but i have my reasons and i'm sure u too have.even if you can't trust people completely you just can't say it on their face or something like that would be weird,all you can do is loosen up a little and try to know then better so that you can come to trust people eventually..doubting and analyzing people is what most of us do.did you have some past experience ? even not,its just you need to loosen yourself a bit and try to know people about u as much as you can so that you can trust them.everyone is not the same,there are lairs but their are some people out there who will love you truly,everyone lie because of a reason..u might also lie sometimes..for everyone's actions there are reasons,no one is actually bad you see,even when we break our heart its because we tries to fall in love but he/she was not the right one for us,there's no way to know what is in other person's mind so all we can do is let our honest feelings reach them,if you understand this you'll loosen yourself more.
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