Too little, too late?


(Wall of Text imminent)
Alright, so this has been troubling me for quite a while. Was hoping some of you wonderful people could help me out here.
Getting straight to the point: There’s this girl. Oh my god, she’s amazing: smart, talented, kind, absolutely gorgeous, I could go on for the rest of this post, but that won’t get me anywhere. And at this point, I don’t know what to do.
Rewind a bit: I met her through the theater department at my school at about semester of last year. Her and I just kinda knew of each other then, but as the year went on we became relatively good friends. I was getting a “vibe” from her then, but at the time it was a vibe I was cautious of: The last time this happened 2 years earlier, I was led on for about 6 months and left to piece it all together for myself. As a result, I’ve become much more withdrawn with my emotions, if that makes sense. I’ve never put myself out there like that since, mainly because I’ve become a lot more picky with women: Personality took priority if you will, which frankly made choices far more slim.
Skip summer, schools starting up again, and her and I basically picked up right where we left off. I can feel us getting closer, and I begin to realize she’s the kind of person where we might actually work. Still, the thought of risking the worst case scenario was terrifying. I decided to wait until I was more certain.
We were both involved with our schools musical, meaning we were able to spend a good deal of time together. Things are going steady, and I’m prepared to actually say something to her and ask her out. It’s the “cast party” after the last show, everything is seemingly good to go, and someone asks her out who, and I feel terrible for saying this, didn’t have a chance. Not wanting to overwhelm her, decided to wait for the next opportune time. Time never came. Over the days, I’ve watched her and a good friend of mine get closer and closer, at an “alarming rate”. I consider saying something, but given the fact that I cast her as a lead in a show I’m directing myself, I decide against it trying to keep a manner of professionalism.
This turned out to be mistake.
Jumping to present day, if you put these two in a room together, you’d be able to pick them out of a crowd. I don’t hold either of them in resentment at all: He’s a great guy, and she deserves someone like him. I just feel like It’s my fault I’m in this position. I feel like I’ve not only failed myself, but a lot of people too. Sounds crazy, I know, but the entirety of the theater department has been pairing us hardcore for weeks now. I’ve had their support, and now I have no idea what I’m doing, and I can’t stop thinking about the whole ordeal. Having realized how rare these feelings are for me, I feel like I’d give almost anything if she’d give me a chance. I want nothing more than for her to be happy, and if that’s not “us” then so be it. I just don’t know if that’s how I feel, or just what I tell myself. I’m not even sure what I should, or even CAN do at this point. Did I blow it? Should I say something? If so, should I wait until after my show she’s cast in is done? Or should I just keep to myself?
Please, send help. I’d appreciate every ounce I can get.

Category: Tags: asked December 17, 2013

3 Answers

I think you did the right thing by showing professionalism and waiting while your play was going on. It was a missed opportunity, yes, but that's not to say that there won't be other opportunities out there.
It's good that you don't show resentment towards your friend or her, because that would just lead to problems. If you like her enough you should let her be happy with who she is with, and don't mention your feelings to her unless that relationship happens to end and you feel the same way at that time if it does.
Other than that, you shouldn't look too deeply into it and just move on to look for someone else who sparks your interest and that is available.
Thanks for the replies and kind words you three, internet kudos to all. You've each given varying answers, all of which I feel are accompanied with great advice, and none of which are wrong. Not only have they made me feel better, but hilariously enough a friend of mine who personally knows about this started using BlahTherapy tonight and stumbled across this QnA, so we talked it out as well. Once again, thank you guys, I appreciate it. I'm feeling far better than I did 4 hours ago.
I think this is a lesson learned for you. You had feelings for her for a significant period of time, but due to your fear of being rejected or hurt you missed the boat. Now she's dating someone else, and someone who might (just might) feel betrayed if you ever were to pursue a relationship with this girl. That doesn't necessarily mean that you shouldn't try to initiate something, but you need to at least wait until she's single again. You might never get that chance, or you may still be disappointed. In the future though, now you know that if you have feelings for someone, you need to tell them! What feels worse? The feeling of rejection, or the feeling of "missing out". Don't let the feeling of "missing out" stop you from pursuing other girls that might catch your interest. Being vulnerable can be scary, but you are never more powerful than when you allow yourself to be vulnerable. Being in a relationship is a constant state of vulnerability, so you gotta take the first step by letting people know how you feel.
Avatar of V