Specifically I don’t believe I have the ability to love. At LEAST half of my brain, half of the time, just doesn’t feel much. I don’t have a large attachment to my parents. I’m not that into any of the relationships I’ve tried. The only person I truly think I could love (in a familial way) is my brother’s girlfriend. She embodies everything I want, so I’m wondering if those feelings could just be fervent jealousy. I am soft and gushy sometimes, but my feeling are like a rollercoaster, if they go up they’re sure as hell going to go down. I also doubt the usefulness of those ‘ups’ so to speak. They make me happy, and I have fun but at what cost? Whenever I’m happy, there’s always the flipside that happens afterwards. (Sidenote: this may cause my inability to love. Huh.) Thoughts, anyone?
