I live in the kind of counties where girls only lose it once married and i’m so scared to do it . but i’m changing lately and i want to be the kind of person who thinks “i don’t care about what they think ” i just wnat to do what i want to do . and i really need to get rid of my frustration :/ so what do you think ? :/ shoudl i do it?
Your 100% right life is too short to have regrets and to follow stupid ancient rules and if you feel it's something that's right for you then all power to you! Just try and be safe-contraception etc. and be comfortable in your decision. Consensual, safe, informed sex is not a bad thing and is not something to be ashamed of and hopefully one day all societies will stop telling their young people that is but instead educate them to make the right decisions for themselves.
If you're doing it for you, then fantastic. If that's the case, I agree with a lot of the stuff that's been said here. Just be careful not to be doing it as an act of rebellion. It's a big choice, one you only get to make once, and doing it just to resist society's expectations is a terrible idea. Nothing with that long term in the way of potential consequences should be used as an a way to express individuality. Again, though, if it's really something for you that has nothing to do with how everyone else thinks, then go for it. If you do it just to break everyone else's expectations, you're really doing it for them instead of you anyways, and that defeats the purpose.
I believe that someone's sexual life should be no one else's business except the person themselves ( as long as it's legal and safe) . However I'm not flippant when advising about sex because it is a very personal decision and I believe does require personal reflection especially when it's someone's first time. You said you feel like your changing lately-In what way? Is it that your questioning your beliefs and coming up with your own value system?!-If thats the case then I would highly encourage that. I try to respect people's beliefs as long as it's not harming them or others but I also think everyone should educate themselves and make decisions from an educated point of view, not just from what they have been told and taught. I think the most important question here is what you would think about yourself? You said you wanted to have sex in order to get rid of frustration. What has caused this frustration to build up? Is it to get back at an ex(it's just that I read your update)?! If you were to have sex I would highly recommend it was with someone you could trust. No one else's opinions about you should matter except your own, just make sure whatever decision you decide that it is made from a healthy place within you and that it does not cause you harm.
it's not illgegal in my country but just really bad seen.it's somehow shameful for the girl and the family if it's found out. and no i'm not doing it to get back at him at all,we're good friend. and that's not the point i just want to get rid of the "first time" step and it's just to hook up not for a new boyfriend or whatever. it might sound really wrong but it's one of the ways i found to feel free, to cut my ties. i don't mind being the bad child in the end i just don't want any regrets...life isn't long enough to be lived following some stupid ancient rules!
the more you say that “i don’t care about what they think" thingy, the more you are affected on what are they saying. that the truth, been there, done that. okay. to the main topic, virginity..for me, you can loose it as long as you are to be ready for the consequence, like what would your husband think specially that you are living in a conservative country. there the thing, CHOOSE WHO IS WORTH IT, do it with the man you love even if you are not married. next topic, living in a conservative country, okay, if you are living in this kind of country we'll i must say that they cannot understand you. because for them if you are not a virgin before wedding they'll think that you're too low, calling you names like slut or whore. which we both know that it is not true.for me, if it will make you truly happy--truly happy my dear, then do it, loose it and everything will be a collateral damage :))
I agree with a lot of what has been said. Its a personal choice and up to you. I understand the feeling of just wanting to get it over, but I do want to point out that your first time usually stays with you. I'm not suggestion that it has to be a "perfect" situation like on a bed of roses or on your honey moon. But I do think it's important to do it when you are ready emotionally and that it's with someone that you love, respect, trust, and feel safe with (and they return those feelings). After people gain a little more life experience and perspective, I do think that many often regret doing something too soon, and rarely regret waiting. It's a big decision, and while your first time is always something you'll be nervous about (and in some cases feel frustrated), there is a point before you've done it (when you are 100% sure mentally, emotionally, and with the right person) that the nerves (or frustration) turn into a more of an excited nervousness. And yes educate yourself and be prepared.
Get Matched With a Therapist If you would like real online counseling from trained, Licensed, and Certified Professionals, visit our Therapists section to take a questionnaire and be matched with a counselor that's right for you.