Should I let go or hold on ?


We’re both 19 yrs old, been best friends for 4 or 5 years now, talked every day all day since 10th grade, currently sophmores in college, dealing with 50 mile long distance relationship, he’s studying to be a doctor. I’m studying to be a human factors psychologist.

Please, PLEASE help me sort this out. I’d be grateful for anyone’s advice. I don’t know how to cope. I don’t know what to think. I’m a mess and my boyfriend happens to have been my best friend then my boyfriend after and I don’t know who else to turn to. Please and thank you so much.

We recently met our 3 year mark a few weeks ago. Today we broke up but we’re both confused if it’s what we really want.

- He wants me to be happy even without him around
- He wants me to be successful
- He REALLY wants to become a doctor (very dedicated/career oriented)
- His first priority is to become a doctor (which I fully support even if it means I come second.)
- His libido is nearly nonexistent now (which I understand can be stress and a number of other things)
- He used to be very sexually active and excited around me (now he’s not… it’s making me a bit sad because its only been 3 years and he’s already disinterested in sex and I’d like to have a sex life until my hips gives out. I want romance and spontaneity. I find it to be a crucial part of a relationship, but I know it does not make the whole relationship)
- He finds me attractive (he tells me I’m beautiful since day one…he genuinely tells me so and I believe him)

I miss the way he used to treat me. I miss being the first priority although I constantly try to make peace with being the second. He used to want to marry me (we have matching promise rings. he lost his but b/c he’s short on money I got him another…) and he used to want to have children. I still want children and I still want to get married indefinitely but he isn’t so sure anymore…He now says “he hasn’t been intact with his feeling for the past months”. And when I ask him what he really wants he says: “To be a doctor, to make a difference, be financially stable and for you to be happy, Ann.” He’s my best friend. He wants to stay best friends but we find ourselves constantly hugging each other in public. We both find it comfortable but… we agreed to be friends because we want different things in life. He’s just as confused as me about the break up but I feel like I’m the one dealing with the most pain.

I just feel numb and tearful and I don’t know how to heal or move on or how to fix this. Please help me. Thank you.

Category: Tags: asked August 15, 2015

1 Answer

Look, it all depends on you two. Where do you want this relationship to go. And as you say, that you're the one dealing with the most pain, it's not true. He is equally experiencing the same feeling of confusion and mental breakdown. You both need to sit down and talk about it seriously. If you two just want to remain as best friends, then you just have to let go all this stuff and move on as no good can come by holding on to these things. They will give you more and more pain as time passes. Look, I'm no therapist OK. All I can say is have a deep talk with your guy, figure out all the stuff, and do whatever you both mutually agree on. Hope this helps. If you need anything else, just PM me. I'll reply at the earliest.MO