Should I leave…?

I’ve been going steady with this guy for almost four months now. He and his ex-girlfriend still talk and are still really good friends. The problem is that he still has feelings for her alongside his feelings for me. He says he loves me more romantically than he does her, and that he wouldn’t leave me for her, but I don’t quite believe him. We’ve gotten into a fight about it because he wanted to let her kiss him on the cheek the next time they hung out. (A side question. Am I wrong for getting angry about that? He won’t let my friends kiss me on the cheek, so why should I let him, right?) Anyway, I’ve told him how much I’ve worried about it, and so far it seemed to be okay until last night. His ex and I are good friends as well, and we were chatting on Skype last night. She wanted me to text him telling him that she said hello. I thought it would be harmless, so I did. Before I had told him, he seemed really upbeat and happy, but once he got the message, he first sounded upset, and then said she better give him a bear hug when she sees him next time. Like his mood just took a sudden downward loop. He usually tells me he loves me with a little <3 before I go to bed, but he didn't even do that last night. It seriously hurt and I'm honestly really sick of constantly having to worry that he's pulling stuff behind my back with her. I really care about him, and this has been eating away at my brain and seriously giving me psychotic thoughts like moving far away so that he can't see her anymore…please help me. I have no idea where to turn. If I turn to him or his ex I'll just get the same positive but un-fulfilling response I always get from them. My family would probably tell me to break it off, but I don't feel like that would be necessary. Should I just sit the three of us down and talk about this?

Category: Dating & Relationships asked August 14, 2013

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asimplev

6 Answers

You need to tell him plainly and clearly. Me or her. There is no room for two people in a romantic life, and he has to choose. Tell him it is either you or her, and if he chooses you, make sure that he stops seeing her in this way. While I would not recommend dumping him immediately, I would say to if he does not answer your ultimatum.

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Morgan

280

You're completely right to worry. I think that if he cared about you as much as he says he does, he wouldn't ever make you feel like you were in a competition with another woman, especially his ex. You also would think that if he cared enough, after you voiced your concerns to him, he would cut her off, or do everything in his power to make you feel more comfortable about it. A majority of the time, exes can't be JUST friends. They still have those feelings towards one another. You were completely right to get upset about him wanting her to kiss him on the cheek. That's not right, and who knows what hugs and kisses on the cheek could lead to. If you honesty feel like there's something going on, even after you've voiced your concerns and asked them to stop, maybe it would be better to just leave. I know it'll be hard, and I know it'll be a struggle for you every day not to text him, or call him, or email him those little things about your day, but if you continue to talk to him after you've decided you've had enough of whatever he's doing with this girl, it's going to hurt you even more. The best thing to do in a situation like this, is to take a break from each other. If he realizes just how you feel about his relationship with this other girl, and he knows how serious you are about how much it hurts you and about how you're not going to put up with it, maybe he'll cut it off. But, if he doesn't, I'm sure you're an extremely beautiful lady and someone else would be wonderfully happy to take your mind off this guy. And that's what you're going to need, if you decide to break off your relationship, or take a break from each other for a while. Best of luck!

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Rachel

I believe you know the answer in your heart as to what you need to do ,but perhaps are a little worried about doing it.
Dont keep thinking to hard, but just do what you truly want to do.You need to happy and not worry about anything,so in your situation I think its best to just tell you to follow your gut and do it so you are happy and not unfulfilled any more ..
Sounds like he still hasn't let go of the past,but doesn't mean he doesn't care for you neither.

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Anonymous

630

Dump his ass now. I mean it, no hesitation. He should not have pursued another relationship if he wasn't over his first one.
You had every right to be angry about him wanting to let her kiss him on the cheek. It's outrageous and rude and not okay on any level.
Dump him and cut off communication with him.

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Lauren

931

does he know that he´s hurting you? he´s not supposed to cause you any pain. no one is. does he know? think about that.

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silvia

I don't think you're wrong for worrying and I also don't think you're wrong for getting mad either. I think you should sit him down and have a full honest conversation about how you feel and how he feels. Obviously the trust isn't there so you could try to build up the trust or you can just end the relationship. You don't sound happy at all. Hope I helped a bit!

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Daniela