Should I break up with my boyfriend because of my asexuality?


I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now. But about 8 months ago I realized I didn’t know enough about myself to pursue an extra serious relationship like the one I have now because surprise surprise, I realized I am asexual. We have never had any romantic or sexual contact at all during our relationship and I guess we have been just fine. (Assuming he isn’t keeping his sexual feelings to himself). Someone could say that this just makes us best friends, but I have really developed attached and caring feelings towards him, I just have no desires for sex and romantic contact makes me uncomfortable. I want my boyfriend to be happy, but as he finds out more and more about himself too, I fear he might want something that I cannot give him. What should I do?

Category: Tags: asked July 16, 2014

4 Answers

A man who loves you will respect you. A relationship isn't solely based on what a woman can give or provide to his boyfriend.It's about love. And love is shown not just on providing sexual pleasure to your boyfriend. tell him about your worries and fears. if he will listen,understand and respect you, keep him. if he forces you to do something you don't want ,it's not your loss. It’s okay to say no to him, it’s okay to walk away. You should never have to form fit yourself into someone else’s needs.
Talk to him about how you feel, and move from there.
I have experience with asexuality. Does your boyfriend know this is how you identify? It sounds like he is also respectful of your borders, and hasn't been pushing you for anything. This is excellent. Are you comfortable with your sexuality? Can you tell him or does he know? You can talk to me more if you want to discuss in more detail, but there is also the great website AVEN, or This is an amazing site where you can also find so many others going through exactly what you are. There are discussion boards there as well if you feel more comfortable doing that.I should add that your sexual and romantic identity are different things, and you sound like you're asexual but romantically heterosexual. Romantic feelings don't involve sex.All the best etc.
I am not an expert on sexuality. But I can tell you this, you are the same person now as you were before you took the test. If you are going out with him and you have feelings for him sexual attraction should be a side-point. Love and sex are not the same thing and you didn't "become" asexual after the test. Talk to him about it. At the very least it sounds like he respects you if he hasn't pushed the issue.